Main cast: Rob Schneider (Marvin Mange), Colleen Haskell (Rianna Hummingbird Holmes), John C McGinley (Sgt Doug Sisk), Edward Asner (Chief Wilson), Guy Torry (Miles), Louis Lombardi (Fatty), Norm Macdonald (Mob Member), John Farley (Other Mob), Adam Sandler (Townie), and Michael Caton (Dr Wilder)
Director: Luke Greenfield

Oh, Rob Schneider. Okay, so he hit big time hanging on Adam Sandler’s shoestrings. So they say he is too ugly for prime time roles. But does that mean he has to come up with such stupid, silly movies like this just so that he can play the hero?

The Animal tells the story of loser Marvin who, after a pathetic death scene, gets his wish to be a cop at last when he is rebuilt using animal parts. Meet Marvin, part man, part animal, all moron. He humps a mailbox when he gets aroused, he gets rejected by a goat with the kick in the… you know, he swims like an otter, and he wins the love of animal activist Rianna (that Survivor contestant, resembling a potted plant here judging from her acting ability).

Bestiality and toilet function jokes are okay if they are funny. But this movie just has to add in trite elements like our hero being a poor man’s hero and he needing love and all. Big, big yawn, really. Thing is, Mr Schneider can play a nice Mr Romantic, judging from some scenes here and there. But I guess he, like the rest of Hollywood, truly believes that he is not worth anything but toilet and mailbox-rape jokes. How sad, really.