Main cast: Patrick Dempsey (Sheriff Eric Newlon), Nell Verlaque (Jessica Wright), Addison Rae (Gaby), Jalen Thomas Brooks (Bobby Di Stasi), Milo Manheim (Ryan Baker), Tomaso Sanelli (Evan), Gabriel Davenport (Clark “Scuba” Diving), Jenna Warren (Yulia), Ty Olsson (Mitch Collins), Tim Dillon (Manny), Russell Yuen (Detective Peter Chu), Karen Cliche (Kathleen), Derek McGrath (Mayor Cantin), Joe Delfin (McCarty), Jeff Teravainen (Deputy Bret Labelle), Rick Hoffman (Thomas Wright), and Gina Gershon (Amanda Collins)
Director: Eli Roth
I’m sure most people have heard by now that Thanksgiving started out as a fake trailer for Quentin Tarantino’s underwhelming Grindhouse feature back in, oh, 2007. Oh, that’s another movie I’ve watched but yet to review. Maybe one day.
Anyway, Eli Roth directed that trailer and, I guess, maybe he has time between busy making spectacularly forgettable “documentaries” and anthology shows for the Travel Channel as well as cartoons because he decides to finally unleash the movie based on the trailer oh, 15 years later.
So, a year ago, a large crowd of frenzied people was gathered to stampede into a Right Mart superstore for Black Friday. The owner’s daughter Jessica Wright sneaked in her then-boyfriend Bobby and their buddies Evan, Gabby, Scuba, and Yulia through the employee entrance to get first dips on the stuff. The crowd spotted them, and a riot erupted. Many people were killed, and the whole thing was considered a tragic accident.
Cut to today, a year later. Bobby, who was injured trying to help people during the riot and subsequently left town, is back. This is awkward because Jessica, who obviously has “final girl” vibes, has quickly moved on to Ryan. Boy, talk about fast.
Alas, the cast of grown-ups playing teens will have to pause their soap opera for a bit when a serial killer, nicknamed John Carver by the press, starts performing acts of graphic and fatal violence on various folks in town. These folks are soon found to have done something bad or had exacerbated the riot the year before, so ooh, who could that killer be?
The inclusion of streaming and social media as a concession to present day aside, this one sees Mr Roth doing what he does best: borrowing liberally from classic slasher flicks to make a movie that feels more like a try-hard homage than something he can proudly call his own.
Actually, one doesn’t even have to go back that far in time. Anyone that has watched those Scream movies will be very familiar with the tropes here, because what those movies used in a playful lampooning manner at least for the first three movies are used in a most uninspired manner here. Yes, right down to the ex-boyfriend being suspected as the bad guy when he’s the only halfway likable one of the main characters here.
On the bright side, Patrick Dempsey is absolutely nice to look at here. His dimples, the sexy furrows on his forehead, the lovely touches of grey on his hair… is it humiliating to confess that I watch this movie a few times just to look at him? I didn’t find him that hot when he was younger, but now, hello daddy.
Someone really should compile all his scenes here into one video, with Je t’aime… moi non plus—the original version, the one by Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin, please—playing in the background, as an early birthday present for me.
Also, which the effects are quite fake at times, the kills are fun. They can be cheerfully gory and gruesome, and honestly, these scenes can’t happen to more deserving prats.
That’s right, I find it hard to root for most of the main characters here. The final girl is a whiny putz that acts like she’s the biggest victim when she’s from a super rich background and she’s just mad because she has to do some trivial things that she doesn’t have her heart in. Oh, the horror of being a spoiled white girl not getting her way in everything—how terrible.
Besides, one is judged by the company they keep, and she is friends with obnoxious football jocks—that come complete with matching jerseys because I may forget what they are for a second—and vapid bimbos.
In the end, this is a pretty okay slasher flick that does what it wants to do with bare minimum adequacy, without trying too hard to be original or bring anything new to the tired and stale genre. I won’t say it is a bad movie, but it’s also so trite and forgettable were not for the luminous daddy-o-sity of Mr Dempsey. This movie is not worth the price of a cinema ticket, but should one come across it on the streaming platform, oh yes, stay a while and enjoy the view.
