Main cast: Kane Kosugi (Kazuya Mishima), Gary Daniels (Bryan Fury), Rade Sherbedgia (The Minister), Kelly Wenham (Rhona Anders), Paige Lindquist (Laura), and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa (Heihachi Mishima)
Director: Wych Kaos
You know, if this movie hasn’t been branded as a Tekken thing from front to end, there may be some semblance of suspense in this typical B-grade martial arts film. Because it is called Tekken: Kazuya’s Revenge, is there any doubt as to who our hero “K” is?
K wakes up in the movie with no memory of his past. Apparently, he has been kidnapped by some bad guys led by the Minister, and there is a bomb in his chest that will go off if he doesn’t cooperate. He is soon fighting in death matches and assassinating people. under the watchful eye of his handler Rhona. They both will learn that there is more than meets the eye to the Minister, and they are most likely pawns in a bigger scheme that they initially have little comprehension of. Time to beat the crap out of more people!
The script is actually quite interesting if, as I’ve said, this isn’t clearly indicated as a movie adaptation loosely – very loosely – based on the video game franchise Tekken. Because it’s a Tekken thing, K’s identity, as well as that of the old man that keep tabs on him, are obvious to anyone who has any inkling of the main storyline of the Tekken franchise. This kills much of the suspense in this movie. If this isn’t bad enough, most of the people hired to act in this movie seem to be laboring under the delusion that they are playing trees in the background or something because they are wooden beyond belief. The fight scenes are pretty good, so it’s too bad that this movie isn’t just about people beating one another from start to finish. No, there has to be unintentionally hilarious scenes of people who are clearly not meant to be actors trying their best to emote and failing miserably.
Oh, and despite the fact that Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa and Gary Daniels reprise their roles here (this movie is a prequel to the previous Tekken movie), this one seems to have very little continuity into the previous movie. Oh, and Gary Daniels really look like crap here. Maybe he should do more exercise and eat healthier balanced meals or something?
Tekken: Kazuya’s Revenge is very poorly acted and, if there is any hint of entertainment, it’s due to the unintentionally hilarious awkward moments when the movie really falls flat on its face. If we have a tier system for bad B-grade movies, this one resides in the same tier as Steven Seagal’s movies. Yes, it’s that bad.
Cantankerous muffin who loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, chocolates, and fantastical stories.