Taekwondo (2016)

Posted by Mrs Giggles on May 24, 2017 in 4 Oogies, Film Reviews, Genre: Drama

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Taekwondo (2016)
Taekwondo (2016)

Main cast: Gabriel Epstein (Germán), Lucas Papa (Fernando), Nicolás Barsoff (Lucho), Francisco Bertín (Leo), Arturo Frutos (Maxi), Andrés Gavaldá (Juan), Juan Manuel Martino (Fede), Darío Miño (Tomás), and Gaston Re (Diego)
Directors: Marco Berger and Martín Farina

Taekwondo (2016)Taekwondo (2016)Taekwondo (2016)Taekwondo (2016)

You know, there are many actual gay pornographic films that share the same premise as Taekwondo: a bunch of hot-blooded guys that fit various flavors of hotness (in a pretty meta scene, they all point out how this one looks German, that one looks Argentinian, this one English… let’s just say that there is something for everyone) in a big house where they spend a lot of time in the pool, in the sauna, or just messing around wearing at most only shorts. And, honestly, I don’t know why you should watch this movie instead of those, because this one doesn’t have any hot, sweaty man-on-man love. But it does have a sweet love story between two very good-looking gentlemen, if you can stand the fact that the culmination of almost two hours of beautiful male flesh on parade is a kiss.

Germán is a gay young man who hopes to become a comic illustrator. He befriends Fernando, and the two bond over a shared love of comics and books. Now, contrary to popular stereotyping, Germán is not a doe-eyed innocent panting for a straight-acting guy’s affections. He is very aware that Fernando is giving him heated looks when the man thinks that Germán is not looking, so when Fer invites him over to hang out with him at a house belonging to Fer’s father, he says okay. He’s confused by the mixed signals being sent out by Fer, and he wonders whether this holiday with the man will finally resolve in something mutually delightful for the both of them.

Only, Fer’s other friends are at that place too, and hilariously enough, they soon end up cockblocking our two fellows. Therefore, this movie is basically a long, draggy montage of gorgeous guys cavorting in a state of barely-dressed glory, the camera often closing up on their treasure trails, abs, thighs, et cetera, interspersed by genuinely sweet moments of Germán and Fer finding whatever quiet time they can find for the two of them. That isn’t easy, as the rest of the guys see Fer as their leader of sorts too, so he’s always needed by them for something.

I have to admit – Lucas Papa has a very nice smile, and there is something about the way where he would just stop whatever he is doing to gaze at Germán – as if he can’t help himself – that makes me smile too. And really, Gabriel Epstein has this classic good looking South American hottie look about him that really makes me wish that the chemistry between him and Mr Papa will result in something, er, more suitable for a mature audience. There are many scenes where the two of them would just sit side by side, then look at one another and smile… I sigh and think these two are so cute. And there is this scene where Fer invites Germán to share the bath tub with him, and the resulting scene is far more poignant and sweet in a “Aww, these two are so obviously in love, I can’t stand it!” way. And I won’t lie, I really like the kiss at the end, even if the whole thing feels like a long-drawn tease on the directors’ part.

It should go without saying that there is no martial arts thing in this movie.

Anyway, Taekwondo. Watch it for all the right reasons – the scenery, mostly – and nobody will get hurt. No, seriously, where do they find these guys, and why aren’t they doing porn?

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