Pathforgers Publishing, $4.99, ISBN 978-1370626342
Romantic Suspense, 2017

The prologue of Alexis Abbott’s Rock Hard Bodyguard sees Wes Jameson luring a friend out, to kill him as he is paid to do by the mob. This is so cool, I think, getting ready for some good old brain splattering fun.

Nope, he chickens out of it and quit the job, although for some reason he still uses the same despite saying he wants a brand new identity at the end of the prologue.

Meanwhile, heroine Molly Parker is an actor. I know, I know, most romance readers assume women in Hollywood are automatically whores, unless these women are fat, then they are awesome. Therefore, the author spends an entire chapter assuring readers that Molly is likable and real and honest, y’all, and salt of the earth and she was, you know, spotted and found fame sort of by accident. Only whores want to be movie stars on their own accord, after all.

Oh, and Molly is being stalked, so she needs a bodyguard. Gee, I wonder which dude will end up guarding her body…

Wes initially assumes that she is a bimbo, but wow, he is soon taken in by her strong and feisty nature that he is soon kissing her and then they are having sex.

Ah, now I get why the author spends a whole chapter telling me that Molly isn’t a whore. Molly puts out to a hot guy without much ado, but still, she’s not a whore whore, you know. She puts out after he praises her for being awesome, so that’s just her being classy by thanking a gentleman like a proper lady would.

Then, he starts spilling his own sad story about being with the mob, et cetera.

Wait, isn’t he paid to be her bodyguard? Fine, I’d accept the sex as maybe some value-added service, but if my bodyguard started telling me his sad story like a crybaby Eeyore, I’d be on the phone first thing to call in a replacement—one just as hot, if not hotter, but silent like Kato, please. After all, I am being stalked by some deranged person, so can everyone please focus on me?

Anyway, the stalker thing is quickly disposed off like the filler it is, and these two get married.

Now, this story is readable. The characters are good at baring their souls at the drop of a hat, maybe too good, but this means that they can communicate, and that’s good when it comes to romance.

Sure, there is nothing here that is particularly awful or unreadable, but as usual, there is a big but.

This is the most un-bodyguard bodyguard story that I’ve come across in a while, because no one, not even the stalker, seems to care about that aspect of the story.

Wes and Molly could have been two people hooking up in a bar at a sad, lonely Friday night, to have sex and then cry about their problems during the post-coital libation.

They could meet again on a different day after that, feeling awkward about acting like weenies, but what the heck, he is hot and she is hot, so they have sex again.

Then, they decide what the heck, let’s just keep doing this, the end.

Now that I think of it, that story would have made more sense than what I get here. That story would at least be honest about what it is really about: sex and issues.

By pretending that this one is some kind of romantic suspense with a bodyguard bent, the author has created something that ends up making everything about the story feel inauthentic.

Are we really that hard up for this kind of story when there are so many other band of bodyguard or secret agent bros series flooding the market at the moment?