Ballantine, $6.99, ISBN 0-8041-1971-6
Romantic Suspense, 2002

Suzanne Brockmann, like a mutant salmon, just keeps spawning and spawning all those Navy SEAL romances that all seem alike after a while. I tell you, if she grows her hair any longer, I may just start mistaking her for Stephanie Laurens. She looks a lot like Jayne Ann Krentz though – or maybe it’s just me after too many SEALs.

Still, Out of Control is not bad.

It’s Kenny “WildCard” Karmody’s story. He loves his bimbos, the more air in both breasts and skull the better. Heck, heroine Savannah von Hopf is a bimbo playing at being a bimbo to make him fall for her in a scene that is right out of SNL-gone-Penthouse. It’s-Kenny and von-Hippo here fall right in love in a miasma of heaving kitties, mashing groins, and multiple-peaking. It’s-Kenny is as mature as an It’s-Kenny can be, and von-Hippo is as smart as a von-Hippo can be.

But I’m cool with them. It’s like watching a stupid younger brother finally scoring with that dumb cheerleader he has been acting all stupid over all summer. It’s kinda cute in watching two bulldogs humping on the street kinda way, and… well, the likes of It’s-Kenny and von-Hippo of the world need love too.

Plot? Oh, she needs him to protect her body as she delivers lots of money to an uncle in Indonesia. If you ask me, taking money to Indonesia now is tantamount to tossing cash into the sea, but hey, it’s von-Hippo we’re talking about here. Cool.

Anyway, that’s it. I’m cool with things.

What? Alyssa and Sam? Don’t know. I take out my trusty black marker pen and draw a big X all over each page those two stupid screwed-up dumbasses show up.

What? That “Obligatory WW2 History Hour” subplot? It’s nothing. Some silly young airhead secret agent nonsense that is pretty much ado about nothing. Don’t care – X on pages there too.

Any more questions? None? Good.

We’re all cool today, people.