Heatherly Bell Books, $0.99, ISBN 979-8201148195
Contemporary Romance, 2017
Great, now I can’t get that blasted song out of my head. I’m sure you guys know which song I’m talking about.
Anyway, I won’t waste time or mince words. Let’s get to it: Heatherly Bell’s Only You is snappy and fun.
That’s right, it puts a smile on my face shortly after I’ve started reading, and I don’t even realize that until I start chuckling out loud at one point and go, “Hey, did this thing just do that to me?”
Starlight Hill is a small town full of lascivious octogenarians, horny busybodies, and guys that hot bodies, so I’m sure everyone knows what they are getting here.
Mallory Gillham was once caught giving a lap dance to a guy she had the hots for at that time, and the nickname “Baby” stuck since that incident.
That’s just the least of it, though. Stan was going out with another lady at that time, something that Mallory didn’t know until too late, and the resulting drama saw her getting fired from a perfectly respectable job. She’s now teaching grandmothers how to do pole dancing and I can only hope she has insurance to protect herself from lawsuits caused by fatalities due to broken hips.
So, there is a hot guy in town, Liam Turlock, and he is invited to stay in town for some R&R. He soon learns that it’s all a plot to get him to impregnate some local girl with the Antichrist… oh wait, they want to fix him up with someone. Close enough, I guess.
Being that her reputation in town tantamount to her being an OnlyFans thot, Mallory is getting tired of meeting men that only want to get into her underwear. So will Liam be the first guy in ages that makes her want him to want to get into her underwear for a change?
This story has all the cringe fest stuff found in cartoon small towns, from intrusive nosy biddies to fake boyfriend-girlfriend stuff for the most asinine reason. Yes, when these people are living among a cult obsessed with having no penises un-buried inside a single woman, let’s pretend to be whatever they are demanding these two to do! That will surely get those cult members off their back, surely!
Still, the bouncy repartee and snappy banters get under my skin, and I find myself enjoying the story a lot—especially considering how I would normally make the sign of the cross super vehemently at some of the stuff found here. I like the two main characters, and I enjoy their chemistry.
It also helps that the author’s humor flows naturally and unforced, and the punchlines land.
My only issue here, aside from Starlight Hill being what it is, is that the author doesn’t know when to end the story.
There are so many moments in the final quarter or so of the story that I feel would be perfect as the final scene of the story, capping the story off on a solid tender note or a funny high note, but no. The story still goes on and on, and since there is nothing happening that is of particular urgency or importance, the momentum deflates as I keep seeing more things to read.
By the time it finally ends, my reaction is more of a “Finally!” than an “Aww! That was great!”.
Oh well. I’ve had fun when the going was good, though, so here are three cheers and three oogies for the entertaining ride.
