Capitol
Pop, 2008

She may be kissing girls and insisting that it’s just a stunt to attract the attention of smelly drunken frat boys, but One of the Boys is ample evidence that Katy Perry really wants to be just like P!nk when she outgrows pulling pathetic stunts to get noticed by boys and graduates from music school.

We can ignore I Kissed a Girl by calling it what it is: a calculated stunt that certainly gets people to notice the charming Ms Perry here. We can overlook the ridiculous forced tough-girl antics that Ms Perry has yet to find the convincing demeanor to pull off, although I admit Ur So Gay is so awfully fake that it is nearly impossible to overlook. Listening to the “I’m so tough” stance of that song, I feel embarrassed for the poor thing. A fabulously drunk Lindsay Lohan can take down Ms Perry and rip out every strand of hair on Ms Perry’s scalp even with both of hands tied behind her back in three seconds flat, so it’s not like Ms Perry is fooling anyone here.

Let’s dance instead to the relentless excellence of the amazing Waking Up in Vegas instead, shall we? And there is the fabulous sequel, Hold N Cold, again packed with awesomeness as Ms Perry struts around in her best Pink impersonation. If You Can Afford Me is the song to pose to if you want to find a really bitchy way to give a loser the wave-off. And when the party is winding down and everyone is getting ready to dress in T-shirts and pajamas for Zac Efron movie night, there is always Lost to wave lighters to as you realize with dismay that you will never, ever marry him because you don’t have enough money to support his cosmetics purchasing habits.

Yes, originality is absolutely lacking here and dear Ms Perry is as manufactured as bubblegum can be, but since P!nk hasn’t come out with something new yet, there’s no harm done. So lock the door, pull down the shades, grab an empty Coke bottle, and dance like a crazy loon while lip-synching to Hot N Cold. Not that I have ever done that, of course.