Main cast: Lachlan Buchanan (Troit), Puja Mohindra (Chandi), Jaclyn Swedberg (Terra), Bryce Draper (Noah), Lauren Francesca (Mia), Stephanie Danielson (Kylie), Laura Jacobs (Desiree), Grant Alan Ouzts (Billy J Munch), and Kane Hodder (Grawesome Crutal)
Director: Steve Wolsh
Muck was a Kickstarter project, and. from the looks of it, I’d guess director, producer and writer Steve Wolsh managed to cut down cost by having his cast show flesh as often as possible – less need for wardrobe, hurray. Mr Wolsh may use the excuse that this movie is a homage to the original Evil Dead – in spirit and attitude, at least – but truth be told, this movie has zero value or redeeming feature whatsoever. It is so horrifically bad that its audacity to even exist actually gives it some kind of campy charm. I mean, I can’t help but the admire the size of the testicles of Mr Wolsh, who has the nerve to release this movie to the jeers and boos it would no doubt receive without any hesitation. That’s what a real man looks like, people.
The plot… well, a bunch of teens manage to escape some kind of cursed swamp (don’t ask, there isn’t any prequel movie to explain this), and they seek refuge in what seems like an empty holiday house while Noah runs off to look for a phone and call his cousin Troit to pick them up. Of course, that’s just leading more meat to the slaughter, as a bunch of albino bald men are on the loose, seeking to rape the girls in the group by any means possible. Yes, this movie is irredeemably exploitative, sexist, horrible. The male characters say some of the most sexist things ever, and the movie finds any excuse to close in on the female cast members’ naked chest and more. Noah, while rushing back to his friends, can still find time to unzip his pants and spank his monkey when he spots a woman changing in a nearby window. Yes, it’s that kind of movie. (For some reason, the Playmate member of the cast keeps her top on – maybe the movie people can’t afford her breasts.)
But you know what, the script is so horrible that it’s actually great comedy, especially when watched in a state of complete non-sobriety. And say what you will about objectification of its pretty cast members, this movie is very democratic in that it serves eye candy in the form of both its male and female cast. The guys get their shirts torn off as often that the girls get their bras ripped off, and it’s hilarious how the guys’ clothes fall apart one by one as they fight with the bad guys. And if you like to look at hot guys, check out the physique of those shirtless albino rapists, in full display in all their chiseled glory. The cast have bodies that are made for plot-free movies featuring lots of skin, and the only disappointing thing about Muck is its lack of naughty scenes that go beyond glimpses of skin.
Muck is a movie that is true to its name – it’s something that makes you feel anything but good when it gets to you. But at the same time, it’s so… horrifyingly awful and unapologetic in its god-bloody-what-the-hell-is-this everything that I can’t help but to find this movie a complete hoot. Oh, and yes, with all the pretty male flesh on display, the pain isn’t as bad as you may think – especially if you rented rather than bought the movie and you keep plenty of alcohol close at hand. So yes, this movie is bad, it marks the end of culture, don’t watch it, et cetera. I won’t tell if you don’t.