Sherilee Gray, $0.00
Contemporary Romance, 2017

Now, I don’t usually review freebies, but Sherilee Gray’s Mountain Man is the first entry in a series that will star identical twins—males, of course, because nobody cares about female characters in the romance genre—and the cover of this one suggests that these twins all look like what will result when Chris Hemsworth went on gear and tripled the usual dose. The idea of being stuck in a mountain cabin with Mr Hemsworth does have some appeal, so I may as well give this one a try to see whether I’d like to stick around for the remaining brother.

So, let’s meet Hank Smith and Birdie. Yes, with names like that, the jokes about that part of the world kind of write themselves. Birdie is hiking when she is separated from her ground. Fortunately, she is found and rescued by Hank and is brought to his place, where he then get them both naked in order for him to dry hump her hypothermia again.

I’d never seen a man like the one in front of me in all my life. He was taller than the door he was standing in front of, massive everywhere—thick, sold thighs dusted with dark hair, long legs, bulging calves. His chest and shoulders were wide, his waist thick, his stomach roped with muscle. One of his biceps was easily as big as one of my thighs, and that was saying something, since I wasn’t at all what you would call petite. My gaze slid back down. One of his enormous hands was covering his groin, or trying to anyway.

Yes, she’s certainly feeling better. Thanks, Hank!

I look at my thighs and then try to imagine biceps that size on a man, and well, I’d just be polite and say that different strokes for different people; he just won’t be stroking it for me. I also think that should be “solid thighs” instead of “sold thighs”, but what’s a little typo anyway when one’s in a mountain cabin with a naked man whose big hands can’t cover his pee-pee because it’s the size of a grizzly’s hernia or something.

Hank only has had one sexual encounter with a man up to this point: with a prostitute hired by his grandfather for his nineteenth birthday. It wasn’t very fun, and Hank has been awkward among people ever since. And no, don’t ask me if he was a Casanova around the animals in the neighborhood. Come on, this is a family-friendly safe space, and we don’t want the raccoons and grizzly bears to be terrified of their hindquarters. Then again, if they do read this story, maybe they would be going all oo-er baby instead, because this story is hot.

It really is. Mountain Man is marketed as a contemporary romance, but the whole premise allows the author to set up plenty of delicious sexual tension, and when it’s time for action, the author delivers plenty of that too. This one is definitely hotter than some of the stories I’ve read recently that were marketed as erotic romance, I have to say. It all begins with Birdie catching Hank in the middle of tugging the tubby because he’s so-ooo-ooo hot for her, and then it’s all about the mountains and the molehills. I always love a fun, hot, sexy read, and this one fits the bill perfectly as an erotic mountain cabin getaway.

The romance is more of a hard sell, though, as these two basically shag themselves into thinking that they’re in love. They barely know one another by the time the happy ending rolls in, but still, I suppose there are worse ways to start a relationship. The sexual compatibility is there, at least, and I don’t think Birdie will get much scintillating conversation from Hank the Monosyllable Man. She may as well let him do the talking with the rest of his digits, and they may just have a happily ever after as a result. Personally, I don’t see the appeal of Hank beyond a weekend hot shag, but like I’ve said, hey, different strokes.

So, read this for the sexy first and foremost, and consider it a bonus if you end up believing the happily ever after. Plus, it’s free at the time of writing, so what is there to lose?