mother! (2017)

Posted October 9, 2017 by Mrs Giggles in 1 Oogie, Film Reviews, Genre: Horror & Monster / 0 Comments

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mother! (2017)
mother! (2017)

Main cast: Jennifer Lawrence (Mother), Javier Bardem (Him), Ed Harris (Man), Michelle Pfeiffer (Woman), Domhnall Gleeson (Eldest Son), Brian Gleeson (Younger Brother), Kristen Wiig (Herald), Jovan Adepo (Cupbearer), Stephen McHattie (Zealot), and Laurence Leboeuf (Maiden)
Director: Darren Aronofsky

mother! is marketed as some kind of modern day Rosemary’s Baby, but don’t be fooled. It is actually the result of Darren Aronofsky deciding, after studying what he has left in the toilet bowl one fine day, to film two hours of that turd bopping in that toilet bowl. At the time of writing, he has derided people who refuse to watch his movie as illiterates unable to comprehend his greatness, so yes, it’s a shame that he has no clue that the people who put together the trailer of this movie have done a far better job than he had in his capacity as turd-maker, scriptwriter and director of this obscenely self-indulgent waste of time.

In his own words as well as the cast members’, this movie is an allegory to how humans are raping the Earth. Mother is living with Him in their lovely Garden of Eden-esque home, and then people start showing up and making a spectacle of themselves, slowly turning even dangerous as they begin to stalk her. Mother is like, “Oh no, why is all this happening to me?” while Him is like, “Whatever, I’m a poet, sex now, please!” and then Mother is pregnant and the crowd is like yay, babies are yummy. While the trailer suggests a coherent storyline in this movie, in actuality there is nothing resembling coherence here. Just pointless meandering navel gazing scenes interspersed with some occasional jump scare moments before culminating in an eye-rolling moment that tries too hard to be shocking and profound at the same time. As for the ending, it’s basically Mr Aronofsky finishing off his two-hour wankery and then asking the audience to applaud him for doing so.

I don’t know how or why there are people signing up to be in this movie, but then again, there are still people these days signing up to star in Woody Allen’s movies, perhaps thinking that movies watched by ten people in its lifetime would bestow artistic credibility upon them.

At any rate, mother! fancies itself an art house film, but it’s actually D-tier film school material, the kind done by hacks who desperately wish to be seen as smart; the kind that try-hards will claim to love because it is a mess big enough for anyone to make up some profundity that only he or she can see in this movie, often without even having to see the movie.

“It is all about the rape of the Earth,” Mr Aronofsky will say as he puffs at his cigar, “and how we should stop raping our mother and… and… don’t eat babies, and my movie is a great way for everyone to ogle at Jennifer Lawrence in an intellectual manner… and… and… save the Earth and look at the time!” He has to go hop on his jet plane to some electricity-guzzling mansion in order to stare at his next turd cake to get more inspiration now, so run along kids and don’t forget to keep an eye out for his next deep, intelligent masterpiece!

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Mrs Giggles

Woke based diva at Hot Sauce Reviews
Loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, Lego, chocolates, tasty buffets, video game music, and fantastical stories.

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