Sony
Pop, 2002

“I will never understand how an ugly freak like Marc Anthony gets that Ms Universe woman to marry him and bear his baby,” my husband will say every time he sees Marc Anthony on TV. “He looks like a skeletal freak,” he says of the CD art of Mended.

But what do men know, eh? God, that photo of Marc Anthony in the inner sleeve, he lying on a bed in a white shirt, the lower two buttons loose to expose some skin, ooh. Is it hot today or what?

Having said that, Mended proves that Marc Anthony and his people aren’t fixing the formula. His music fits the Latin Romantic stereotype perfectly: torchy ballads with corny lyrics about dying of loneliness if she doesn’t marry him interspersed with midtempo I’m-so-hurt-you-don’t-love-me torchy pieces. Taken a little by little, ballads like I Need You and Do You Believe in Loneliness are perfect tracks to wave lighters or lose one’s virginity to. It’s in the moment, see, and in that moment, Marc Anthony can make even the most sensible melt when he sings “I need you, for the rest of my life girl, I love you, and I will never deny that I need you, marry me, et cetera”. Ah, well.

I can believe him when he laments that me not loving him is a Tragedy (no, not the Bee Gees cover, thank goodness). He rocks the house in a sedate way in Give Me a Reason.

It’s all safe, predictable music fare here. Hence, bit by bit, it’s pure Marc Anthony hot sexy mojo all the way. Listening to the entire album at one go, however, I end up snoring away on the couch.