TSR, $2.95, ISBN 0-88038-261-9
Fantasy, 1986

You are Jered Sureblade, and if that name isn’t bad enough, you wield the Rod of Lordly Might (Chosen), so it just have to be that the whole thing is intended by Jean Blashfield to make you snicker, right? The rod can change into any weapon at your command, and it can also shoot (ahem) magical things at your behest. As a paladin, you can also use the “Laying on of Hands” spell on yourself when you are low on life, to invigorate yourself, but you can only do it once or you will go blind.

With your lordly rod and your hands on yourself, you are well equipped to help you penetrate the citadel of the Master of Ravenloft himself, Strahd Von Overrated-Bitch, and protect a damsel from his foul lusts. Right?

Of course, if you are familiar with Ravenloft, you will find many things to quibble about here. For example, it’s “gypsies” here instead of “Vistani”, and paladin spells work without a glitch. Barovia is treated like some normal fantasy land, and you display zero awareness about the nature of the Dread Realms for a supposedly 15th-level paladin that have gone around on a lawful stupid rampage on the forces of darkness. No, really, you charge ahead to Castle Ravenloft without knowing anything in advance, which necessitates the need to make choices as to what to do and where to go on random whim. If that isn’t lawful stupid, then what is?

This campaign is simple: wander around the place, don’t die, and find lots of stuff lying around that may help you take down that vampire fiend, including this lovely item that has a 1 in 6 chance of giving you a one-hit KO against the supposedly most powerful monster in the whole Dread Realms. You can argue that maybe Strahd has that thing around the place to make sure that no one can use it against him, but then again… dude is dumb, oh boy. There’s a reason why he’s called Von Overrated-Bitch in more enlightened parts of the multiverse.

Now, it may take a few runs of the campaign to locate and identify the most useful stuff to take down Strahd, and it’s admittedly a pretty interesting scavenger hunt for the most part, but once you have found out all the ways to speed run and min-max the whole thing—and this can be done quickly, too, as this campaign isn’t that complicated or unfair—there aren’t many reasons to come back here again.

Maybe it’s time they let you explore other parts of Ravenloft instead of that overrated buffoon’s place over and over.