Main cast: Danielle Harris (Marybeth Dunston), Tony Todd (Reverend Zombie), Parry Shen (Justin), Tom Holland (Uncle Bob), RA Mihailoff (Trent Graves), AJ Bowen (Layton), Ed Ackerman (Cleatus), David Fot (Chad), Colton Dunn (Vernon), Rick McCallum (John), John Carl Buechler (Jack Cracker), and Kane Hodder (Victor Crowley, Thomas Crowley)
Director: Adam Green
Hatchet II is the sequel to – what else? – Hatchet and, like all sequels tend to be, is a pale shadow of the original flick. With Hatchet being a dumb slasher flick that rips off elements from Friday the 13th and other films in this genre, that means Hatchet II is scraping the bottom of the barrel. This movie takes off from the previous one, so do take note that everything about this movie is a big spoiler of Hatchet. Just looking at the cast list alone will tell you who lives and who dies in the previous movie, so you have been warned.
Anyway, Marybeth Dunston survives the hospitality of the crazy murderous deformed troll Victor Crowley, when everyone else met various gruesome deaths, and in this movie, the experience has clearly caused her to become deranged, as she wails and cries and insists that people must help her go back and collect the remains of her father and her brother (the first two sods to die in the previous movie, if you can remember). Her uncle Bob and the Reverend Zombie end up gathering a crew of armed NRA rejects to storm the swamps, and wastes no time being at the receiving end of Victor Crowley’s various fatality attacks in this live-action Mortal Kombat wannabe.
The plot is really stupid, and it can be argued that Marybeth is responsible for everyone’s death as the whole mess could have been avoided if she had been rational and never step foot in the swamp again. But if she had been sensible, this movie wouldn’t have happened and everyone involved in it would have to find other means to pay their rent.
While the meat heads in the previous character show some personality to amuse me in between the killing sprees of Victor Crowley, here, everyone is bland and interchangeable. With one exception (Justin), everyone here is so forgettable that I don’t even miss them when they are not in a scene. There is very little humor to be had here, as what passes off for comedy is such crude and hamfisted toilet humor that would appeal only to very undiscriminating people. Marybeth is just annoying as she is set to “hysterical” all the time, and Tony Todd sleepwalks in his role as Reverend Zombie. Sad really, as I was hoping that he would put up an amusing performance to save the movie.
The movie also introduces some more details on Victor Crowley’s life, and it’s pointlessly convoluted, which is amusing considering how little it impacts the main story line. Why should anyone care about that guy anyway? He’s just here to kill people, and he’s not even doing that well. This is because the gore is, just like it was in the previous movie, more cartoon-like than scary. Body parts are ripped apart like they are made of tissue paper, and the splattered body parts all look far too plastic for my liking.
With no gore and no comedy, as well as no memorable characters or story line, Hatchet II is a pointless dud. I’m at loss as to why anyone should bother with this movie.
Loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, Lego, chocolates, tasty buffets, video game music, and fantastical stories.