Republic
Pop, 2025
The Jonas Brothers have been around for twenty years now, which makes them old enough to rent a car, complain about lower back pain, and start wondering if the glory days are behind them.
To celebrate, they’ve dropped Greetings From Your Hometown, an album that feels like the boys are finally hitting puberty… only two decades late. Don’t worry, though: if you loved their old teenybopper schtick, this record won’t scare you with too much maturity. It’s like they’re sipping wine coolers and calling it whiskey.
Now, let’s talk priorities. Joe Jonas may look like he hasn’t showered since 2019, but bless him, he has the best voice of the bunch. Naturally, this means Nick Jonas hogs the mic instead.
Nick — whose charisma only exists from the neck down, shirt optional — apparently decided that “grown-up singing” equals falsetto mumbling like he’s trying to seduce Siri. It’s not good.
Meanwhile, Kevin… oh yes, Kevin is technically still in the band. He’s either strumming quietly in the corner or scheduling their Uber Eats deliveries. We’ll never know.
The album’s highlights are, ironically, the songs that sound like déjà vu. No Time to Talk is basically Staying Alive with a Jonas Brothers filter slapped on it. Nick tries to channel Barry Gibb but lands closer to Barry Gibb if Wish.com had a clearance sale. Still, it’s a bop.
Then there’s Love Me to Heaven, which rips DNA strands from Bryan Adams and Journey. Shockingly, it works, probably because Joe’s doing the heavy lifting while Nick goes off somewhere to practice whisper-falsettoing at mirrors.
And that’s the thing. Why can’t Joe just sing all the songs? Boybands traditionally survive on one lead vocalist and several backup mannequins doing synchronized claps. Why reinvent the wheel? Put Nick in the back with Kevin, let them provide oohs and aahs, and the world will be a happier place.
As for the rest of the album — eh. It’s fine. Not bad, just aggressively forgettable. Most of the tracks could easily be mistaken for leftover Spotify filler designed to pad out a “Chill Pop Vibes” playlist. If someone told you Shawn Mendes or Charlie Puth sang them, you’d nod politely and move on with your life.
Still, Greetings From Your Hometown isn’t a trainwreck. It’s listenable enough — good for background noise while you’re folding laundry or contemplating whether Kevin Jonas is just an elaborate inside joke.
But next time, maybe Nick could sit out the falsetto marathon, let Joe take the reins, and finally give us the Jonas Brothers album that doesn’t sound like three two guys arguing over who gets to sing karaoke.
Final verdict: a decent effort, but if Joe doesn’t get full custody of the vocals soon, I’m calling child services.
