Main cast: Tony Spiridakis (Hercules Valvalotus), Wendy A Makkena (Maggie Price), Luis Guzmán (Luis), Rick Aviles (Mr Vega), and Deborah Harry (Dr Moss)
Director: Bette Gordon

Monsters is determined to throw comedies after comedies at me, when comedy is the weakest link on this show. Why is this? Maybe it’s because they have hired failed clowns to script the episodes?

At any rate, Desirable Alien is yet another cringe generator of a “comedy” in this season. Predictably, it’s awfully unfunny, like a stand-up comedian that fails to read the room and assumes that the boos from the crowd are uproarious laughter.

This one is about an illegal immigrant, Hercules Valvalotus, that has a secret, let’s say supernatural bent. In order to avoid deportation, he turns on his charms and ends up in a super awkward love triangle with an uptight immigration officer, Maggie Price, and the physician Dr Moss that is supposed to, ahem, do a physical checkup on him.

Ugh, the acting is pretty dire all around, although Deborah Harry and Luis Guzmán seem to be the only ones that realize what a crap episode this one is going to be and camp it up appropriately. As the lothario, Tony Spiridakis is stiff and wooden in all the wrong ways, sadly, and his character has zero charm and instead plenty of off-putting sleaze. Because Hercules is supposed to be the to die for hunk here, the episode ends up being more like dead instead.

To add insult to the injury, the whole thing is about Maggie making a fool out of herself, very likely due to Hercules’s manipulation instead of any agency of her own. In many ways, this is the perfect sequel to Household Gods in showing me the misogynistic rear end of the people behind this show. Oh, of course, this episode is also directed by a woman, sigh.

Not even a bit funny, with the extra grief of the lead female character getting a “happy ending” that is anything but that, this disgusting offal of an episode is more appropriately titled Despicable Everything.