Main cast: Margot Kidder (Cynthia), Kevin McCarthy (Jack), JA Preston (Harry), Madge Sinclair (Lucille), and John Kassir (The Crypt Keeper)
Director: Elliot Silverstein

It is easy to accuse Tales from the Crypt of being a misogynistic TV show. I personally don’t agree with this, as the show practices utmost democracy when it comes to portraying and stereotyping everyone in the most unflattering light possible. But one only has to watch Curiosity Killed to see how the accusation can arise. Poor Margot Kidder portrays a truly hideous, hateful female character in the shrillest, most painful manner possible for the entire episode.

Jack is married to Cynthia and my goodness, she shrieks and berates him non-stop for everything. She even treats his friends Harry and Lucille like dung stuck on the sole of her shoes, when she’s not threatening to kill everyone. These four are currently camping in the wilderness because Lucille, who dabbles in magic, and Harry have found the recipe for a potion that can restore their youth. Harry wants Jack to have a drink too, because back when they were in the military, Jack saved his life. As you can guess, Jack eventually decides that he will never, ever let Margot have her share of her potion, but that’s after she’s decided to do a little sabotage of her own.

This episode is a painful race to see which will expire first – the ear drums or the heart – because Cynthia is near-indescribable in how loathsome she is. Sure, she gets her just desserts in the end, but that’s after I have to endure her non-stop shrieking and screaming. The remaining three are utter morons for not killing her and tossing her body into a ravine – when they become young again, they can always get new identities to hide their crime, surely.

At any rate, Curiosity Killed is a total crapfest as well as a waste of time. There is nothing redeemable about this one – it’s not entertaining even a little; it’s just loud, painful, and putrid in a kill-me-now-I’m-really-in-pain-aaaargh way.