Main cast: David Luther (Francis Berger), George Barnes (Samuel Lewis), Scott Silveria (Bob Soerensen), Norma J Nesheim (Vanessa), Gregg Hood (Bill Morrison), Carter Collins (Ronnie Lewis), Natasha Etzer (Gloria Lewis), Larry Zience (Larry), and Jay Colligan (Tommy)
Director: William Snyder

Ah, the Italian film scene of the 80s and 90s. The audacity! The shamelessness! The absolute nerve! Forget mere inspiration or homage; Italian directors of the time were masters of the art of “borrowing liberally”.

Take Cruel Jaws, a 1995 direct-to-video travesty helmed by Bruno Mattei under the decidedly American-sounding pseudonym, William Snyder. And let’s be honest, this movie is less “homage” and more “please don’t sue us, we just wanted to make a quick buck”.

Now, what makes Cruel Jaws particularly special is not its inspired plot or compelling characters, but its staggeringly shameless thievery. Mr Mattei didn’t just borrow from Jaws. oh no, he fully committed the cinematic crime of inserting actual footage from all four Jaws movies. Yes, you read that correctly: all four.

Now, you might think, “Why four? Why not stop at the first one, which was actually, you know, good?” But Mr Mattei clearly had a mission to include as much sub-par shark nonsense as humanly possible. And it works. Kind of.

The plot is predictably ridiculous. You get your usual shark mayhem—swimmers devoured, a mayor obsessed with keeping the beach open because there’s a regatta on the way, as if the Jaws formula wasn’t predictable enough. Of course, there’s the requisite “friendly girl” swimming scene where the shark gets to have its first of many delightful snacks. Throw in some horrendous acting from doppelgangers of our Jaws lead characters, including a guy that looks like a clone of Hulk Hogan, and you’ve got a recipe for… well, something, but not a good something.

Oh, the acting! It’s so bad, it might just be the highlight of the film. You’ll spend the entire runtime with a permanent “What am I watching?” expression on your face. There’s a scene where two sailboarders (ahem, stationary guys on a beach, pretending to sailboard while clearly doing nothing) engage in a thrilling race to the finish line. Suspenseful? Nah. Hilarious? You bet. It’s the kind of cinematic gem that makes you ask if the director even knew what a sailboard was.

But the real magic happens when the police chief—who somehow gets a helicopter—decides to… fish for the shark with a line of raw chicken. Yes, you heard that right. Because who wouldn’t think, “Let’s catch a giant man-eating shark with a piece of chicken on a string!”? The scene plays out like a weird cross between a National Geographic documentary and a slapstick comedy, and you will find yourself slack-jawed in disbelief at the pure, uncut stupidity of it all.

Cruel Jaws lacks the usual grimy sleaze of Bruno Mattei’s films. Still, it compensates with its outrageous levels of badness. It’s so bad, it becomes almost… charming. The abysmal acting, stolen footage, the recycled music—is that… Star Wars?—as well as the relentless stupidity… this is the film equivalent of a car crash that you can’t look away from.

So, is it a good movie? Absolutely not. Is it the bottom of the barrel? You bet. But in the grand tradition of “so bad it’s good” cinema, Cruel Jaws stands as a shining beacon of blatant, unapologetic ineptitude.

For those who love bad movies and can stomach the worst of what Italian B-movie horror has to offer, this one’s a must-see—if only to remind you that no matter how bad you think a movie is, Bruno Mattei has something even worse waiting for you.