Main cast: Jeffrey Jones (Professor Finley), Anthony Michael Hall (Reggie Skulnick), Nina Siemaszko (Stella Bishop), Ivan E Roth (Ramses the Mummy), and John Kassir (The Crypt Keeper)
Director: Jeffrey Boam
Tales from the Crypt has its share of dumb plots, stories, and ideas, but Creep Course is easily one of the dumbest I’ve come across. Just take a look at the story if you don’t believe me.
Professor Finley teaches ancient history in high school, and Reggie Skulnick is that jock whom he loves to pick upon, mostly because that kid doesn’t pay attention in class and is as dumb as can be. Stella Bishop is the nerdy girl who takes very good notes. Thus, when Finley threatens to fail Reggie and disqualify him from playing football further, the jock tries to charm and seduce Stella into helping him with his grades. She assumes that he wants her to give him some tutoring, but no – he wants her to meet Finley at his place and distract him while Reggie steals the exam papers.
She initially refuses, but Reggie promises that he will take her to the prom and generally lays it thick until she reluctantly agrees. And then, she discovers that the murderous mummy that Finley keeps talking about in class is real. Yes, somehow Finley has the entire freaking tomb somehow moved from Egypt into his basement. Not only that, he has bribed Reggie into helping him secure the annual virgin sacrifice for Ramses the Mummy in exchange for a passing grade, and guess whom the unlucky virgin is…
If you think the plot is dumb, wait until you actually watch the episode. It’s even dumber than it seems on paper, which is actually quite impressive if I weren’t cringing so hard at the whole thing.A mummy’s tomb in the basement is bad enough. But somehow Stella being able to find a sexy Egyptian princess in there? And being able to dupe a mummy into thinking that she’s his true love despite looking and sounding decidedly un-Egyptian? Ramses actually understanding English? Mummy sex? What the… what were these people smoking when they came up with the story?
The whole absurdity of this episode is a damned shame because the casting is inspired, with Anthony Michael Hall playing a high school kid that is the complete 180 of his roles in Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club, while the mean Dean from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is playing the evil history teacher. And while I’m sure we will all like to pretend that Jeffrey Jones doesn’t exist, given that he is a convicted pedophile, but I have to admit, he does a great job chewing scenery here along with Mr Hall. Nina Siemaszko also does a good job holding her own despite being stuck playing a character in a very, very stupid script.
Creep Course is stupid. It can be amusing to watch due to the cast doing its best to keep things afloat, but oh my goodness, it is so stupid.
Loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, Lego, chocolates, tasty buffets, video game music, and fantastical stories.