Main cast: Piper Perabo (Violet Sanford), John Goodman (Bill Sanford), Adam Garcia (Kevin O’Donnell), Maria Bello (Lil), Melanie Lynskey (Gloria), Izabella Miko (Cammie), Bridget Moynahan (Rachel), Tyra Banks (Zoe), and Del Pentecost (Lou)
Director: David McNally

It’s just too bad that the sight of women in wet tight shirts does nothing for me. Therefore, this really tragic, godawful exercise in sanitized PG-13 Showgirls – with all its overly garish beer commercial inanity – make me want to throw up. It’s stupid, so stupid that it just insults my intelligence three ways.

Babe songwriter/singer-wannabe Violet decides to join this Coyote Ugly bar to sing and hose horny men down with cheap alcohol. Naturally, she becomes a hit and hits off with the cook Kevin. A big misunderstanding no respectable romance novel would even touch with a barge pole comes between them, Violet’s disapproving daddy ends up in a hospital set to impart some Obi Wan Kenobi advice (“Follow your dreams!”), and everyone ends up happy. The end.

Just how insulting is this bad drivel? The dialogues stink. The illogical plot makes the mind boggle (Violet lives in Chinatown – where are the freaking Chinese?). The characters are vapid and one-dimensional. And best of all, Coyote Ugly is 100 minutes too long.