Alexandra Isobel, $2.99, ISBN 978-1386789574
Romantic Suspense, 2018
Ooh, Alexandra Isobel’s Church Mouse on His Motorcycle sounds intriguing. Is the title a double entendre of sorts? I can’t wait…
TUCSON, ARIZONA
“Spike?” Vanessa Davis squinted up at the dark imposing figure that bore down on her from the bathroom stall doorway. “Oh, thank Heaven it’s you,” she focused on Craig ‘Spike’ Stephen’s redheaded man bun and unruly goatee instead of the big ass gun he trained down on her.
“Jesus—” He holstered the weapon under his leather cut. “What the hell are you doing—never mind?” He glowered down at where she had squished her body between the wall and toilet, the first place she dove at the sound of gunshots upstairs in the chapel. “Let’s go.” He held out his hand.
“What’s going on up there?” She uncurled her arms from around her knees and canvas knapsack and struggled to her feet. “Is anyone hurt? I thought I heard gunshots.” In truth it sounded like Armageddon up there with all the smashing and yelling and pounding feet over head.
“The Sadistic Jacks are up there shooting up the place looking for you.” He helped her steady herself and looked around the stall. “We need to get out of here, before they clue in where you are.”
“Me?” Panic exploded in her chest, her eyes darting to the door. She half expected to see one of the Jacks standing there. “Why me?”
“I’ll tell you later.” He pushed out of the stall and dragged her with him.
The above are the first few paragraphs of this whole thing, and suddenly, I feel like it’s okay if I had waited a bit longer. This thing starts out begin hard to read due to how unpolished the writing is.
There were no other words. Fire and Brimstone? End of days? A horrible B-Movie rendition of Judgment Day, attack of the killer tomatoes and Godzilla all rolled into one and flashing before her eyes! People, her classmates with their gowns hiked up and their caps fallen off, screamed and ran from the thundering roar of the gleaming chrome motorcycles, the leather wearing bikers hollering and shooting at the sky as they drove through the church graduation picnic. Red checkered tablecloths flew from the back of their bikes as they circled and revved their engines through the hysterical guests. One of them leaned down and slapped the pastor’s wife’s ass as he drove by, laughing uproariously.
It’s not that the author doesn’t have swagger. There are some signs of lively wit and verve underneath the clunky narrative and the occasional odd capitalization of words.
Here’s the odd thing: after the first few chapters, the narrative style gets an abrupt upgrade. It becomes much smoother and more polished, hence easy and even a joy to read, and the weird capitalization of words ebb. What happened? Did the person editing this thing overlook the first few chapters?
The clunky technical aspects of this one aside, the story is pretty generic with rather common roadshow romance flaws: the two main characters jump from what seems like friendship to lust very quickly, and the suspense elements feel like barely-developed filler.
Nonetheless, the author’s tone and style actually elevate the material quite a bit, as I find myself having fun with the irony and wit that peek through now and then. The author can also make a scene very descriptive indeed by inserting cute little details now and then.
In the end, I feel that this one is a handiwork of an author that can become much better with time and some hands-on experience, but for now, this one is still a very unpolished read.
Oh, and really, someone should help polish up those few first chapters. First impression is very important, after all, and I’m actually glad that I keep reading despite wincing at those chapters. Who knows how many people had been far less patient and dropped this one after reading the first few pages!
