Jupiter Ascending (2015)
No, it’s not even close to being The Matrix. There are better things to watch, surely.
Category:Genre: Action & Adventure
Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
This movie needs to be ten times more absurd and offensive than it actually is.
Orc Wars (2013)
Good news: Rusty Joiner takes off his shirt once or twice here. Bad news: you can see more of him online, this movie blows.
Dracula Untold (2014)
Of all the vampires in movies, the dude in Dracula Untold may be the most tragic pushover of them all.
The Maze Runner (2014)
This could have been most gory and scary, but it ends up being most limpid.
Lucy (2014)
Is this movie a way to pay off the director’s drug dealers while secretly Morse-coding all of us to intervene?
Tekken: Kazuya’s Revenge (2014)
Video game adaptations tend to be awful, and this low-budget thing with a D-grade cast is bound to be bad, right? Of course it is.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
This movie is a reboot, completely ruined by that brain damaged bimbo who is responsible for every single mess in this movie.
Into the Storm (2014)
Two hundred tornadoes hit a town all at the same time (or so it seems), things get blown up, inconsequential characters die. Business as usual.
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
This Marvel adaptation is the one I have been looking forward to the most, so of course it has to disappoint me the most too.
