Three Lakes Books, $3.99, ISBN 978-1-31045142-3
Romantic Suspense, 2014

Chief Petty Officer John “Bronco” Andrews is a Navy SEAL, because there are at least three million of such men in the US and they are all super-hot and wealthy.

Unfortunately, Bronco doesn’t seem to understand how the Navy SEALs work, as:

He’d already driven damn near twenty-five hundred miles on his way to Coronado to join Team 9, Bravo Squad, and he just wanted a few hours to enjoy the lack of motion. With only three hundred miles left in his drive and a little less than two weeks left for leave, he could afford to take a break. No one expected him at Coronado until the Monday before Independence Day.

Why was he driving when his superiors would issue a plane ticket or something if they wanted him to travel? 

Also, why is the hero introduced as John “Bronco” Andrews when the story will address him as “John” for the rest of the story. Why is this story called Bronco’s Rough Ride then instead of John’s Rough Ride?

In just the first few pages, this story is already tingling my “Author Didn’t Know 100% What She Was Doing” senses. 

Anyway, John is ogling and chubbing up at the hot women in an off-Strip casino in Las Vegas as part of a quick one-night R&R.

Las Vegas was known for its skimpy costumes on the serving staff, even at this off-Strip casino where he’d found a cheap room.

Really? So, every Las Vegas casino is now Hooters from the 1980s? Oh, and there is a drug ring running around too, because we all know off-Strip is such a happening place.

John partakes a spiked drink and woosh, he’s now paralyzed and strapped to a table when he regains consciousness. Only his pee-pee can move around and oh, he can blink his eyes, but he can’t move anything else because of the ketamine in his spiked drink.

Well, romance novel ketamine anyway, because ketamine in real life doesn’t selectively paralyze one’s body parts. For a while I thought the author was going to make the rest of the story a wild hallucination caused by the ketamine, but no. My “Author Didn’t Know 100% What She Was Doing” senses tingle with greater intensity.

The plan is to sell John as a throbbing winky sex slave, but luckily for him, the prospective buyer is “Jenna Black”, the persona of undercover cop Lindsey Jarvis. So now, she plans to help him escape while his throbbing winky stays up and firm.

Yes, the bulk of the story sees the hero’s penis and eyes being the only parts of him that are happening. It’s an interesting premise — at least, I don’t come across a story every day where the hero is basically a walking erection — but it also leads to some groan-inducing “We will have real sex to fool the bad guys!” happenings that make the whole thing seem like a pornographic movie plot.

Also, the heroine is immediately going all oh, she loves him now, conveniently after her first rodeo in his saddle, so I have a hard time believing this romance — even harder than the hero’s erection. 

So, porn movie plot and a romance that falls flat like the rest of the hero’s body. Add in all the “What the …?” stuff in the story and I get a head-scratcher of a read.

Still, the absurdity does make the story unintentionally comical at times, and I chuckle out loud here and there because of this. Shame, really, as the hero does ooze lots of sexual mojo that, in a different story with a better plot, may have raised the heat quotient of this story.

As it is, the whole thing feels like an absurd adult film but minus the absurd raunch factor of such a film.