Main cast: Nicolas Fontaine (Josh Randall), Lanisa Dawn (Kimberley), Brittany Drisdelle (Priscilla), Nick Walker (Paul Wilkinson), Madeline Harvey (Alice), Paul Zinno (Tommy), Chip Chupka (Conrad), Howard Rosenstein (Michael Randall), Ryan Ali (Slim), Cameron Geller (Chad), and Daniel Ivan Ossa (Big Phil)
Director: Renaud Gauthier

Aquaslash has been compared to the more recent Piranha movies, supposedly combining sleazy exploitation of pretty young things with gore and such, but after having watched it, I can safely say that this is more like a boring, vapid showcase of unlikable young people doing stupid things like arguing, fighting, having sex, and generally being imbeciles with only the fun stuff shoved in during the last fifteen minutes or so. I’m not kidding.

I don’t recall the names or the personalities of the characters in this movie, because they all exist to be scantily-clad morons playing out a brain-damaged version of those reality TV shows that focus on people being assholes and idiots. The backdrop is that these imbeciles are doing their nonsense in this big pool theme park place. Towards the end of this movie, someone sabotages only one out of three water slide tunnels, which only further serves to reduce the body count by only one-third. Maybe they ran out of budget for fake body parts by the time the whole gory sequence begins, I don’t know, but at any rate, the slasher part is nonexistent for way too much of the movie.

Sure, some of these grating imbeciles die by the end, a turn of event that does provide some degree of satisfaction. Maybe that is the plan all along, for these characters to get on my nerves so much that the pleasure of watching them die is magnified tenfold. Even then, all of them should have died, not just a few of them, because they are truly horrid, vapid wretches that torture my brain cells mercilessly for the entire duration of this dreadfully pointless, boring, stupid, and humor-free waste of everything.

Aquaslash can just go get slashed.