Main cast: Brandon Auret (William), Thandi Sebe (Mary), Cord Newman (James), Naima Sebe (Angie), Tapiwa Musvosvi (Kip), Chris Fisher (Jake), Meghan Oberholzer (Sarah), Jonathan Pienaar (Duke), Nikita Faber (Daphne), Caitlin Harty (Suzanne), Charlie Keegan (Brad), and Jessica Cloete (Rebecca)
Director: Mark Atkins
The first film in this Syfy shark movie franchise had Charlie O’Connell and Carmen Electra. Sure, those weren’t exactly A-list celebrities, but today, six years later and six sequels later, we are resorting to cheap South African actors to populate dead air time on the Syfy channel.
This time around, we have a bunch of stereotypes attending some kind of couples therapy session run by William. He has issues with his… ex-wife, I think, and has a thing for another woman who already has a boyfriend. Or something. There is also an annoying black guy who exists just to quip and say stupid “funny” things during inappropriate moments. Honestly, these characters are all uniformly bland and forgettable; they exist just to ensure that this movie has things for the CGI shark to eat.
Catching 6-Headed Shark Attack is like passing by a car crash. No, let me rephrase that: a car crash at least has some macabre quality that keeps people looking. This one, on the other hand, is boring and devoid of any redeemable qualities… well, except for a brief moment when Charlie Keegan is on the screen shirtless and hot. Then he gets eaten and that’s it. This movie has some decent eye candy if you’re into women in bikinis, but if you like looking at guys, you’re seriously out of luck. Aside from Mr Keegan’s brief appearance, the rest of the male actors all look like they are on some hard drugs and they don’t know the definition of personal hygiene.
Horribly paced, with no good gore or death scenes; just long instances of nothing interesting happening aside from vapid conversations among characters I don’t get a rat’s backside about, this movie has only one source of mild amusement: the stupid shark.
That’s right. The stupid thing has two heads in the front, and two heads growing out from each side of its body. It can move on land because the four heads growing on its sides function as legs. I’m not kidding. Hence, the above scene. Sadly, this scene appears late in the movie – by then people who watch this movie while drinking or doing drugs to make the experience tolerable would have probably passed out or OD’ed.
In fact, now that I have shown you all that stupid shark, there’s no reason at all to watch this turd!
Seriously, don’t watch it. Your time is precious; don’t squander it on brain cell-killing turds.