Main cast: Martin Lawrence (Kevin Caffrey), Danny DeVito (Max Fairbanks), John Leguizamo (Berger), Glenne Headly (Gloria), Carmen Ejogo (Amber Belhaven), Bernie Mac (Uncle Jack), Larry Miller (Earl Radburn), Nora Dunn (Lutetia Fairbanks), Richard Schiff (Walter Greenbaum), and William Fichtner (Detective Alex Tardio)
Director: Sam Weisman

The first thing that struck me early in this movie is how every guy here resembles a plastic doll. It’s the lighting, I think, that makes Martin Lawrence’s head resemble a billiard ball and John Leguizamo a defective Ken doll. But maybe that’s not a mishap, maybe it’s intentional to make the characters look like plastic dolls, because this movie is nothing more than a long, unfunny cartoon.

Martin Lawrence plays Kevin Caffrey, a thief who is supposed to be an expert in cleaning up everything portable in a room. He meets British classy lady Amber at an art auction and falls in love. Amber, conveniently, doesn’t mind that he steals, as long as he doesn’t lie to her. She even gives him her father’s lucky ring as a token of love.

Then one day Max is caught in the act of robbing nasty rich coot Max’s house. His accomplice Berger successfully flees the scene, but Kev is taken into custody of the cops. But not before Max cheerfully relieves him of his girlfriend’s lucky ring, which Max claims as his.

Kev wants the ring back, and he will do that at all cost. Soon these two men are battling it out in a match to see who has the biggest ego and winkie size.

I can go on about Max’s bankruptcy or something, but most of this movie is nothing more than tepid, boring misfires of jokes. I actually felt sleepy midway through the movies, because nobody was laughing in the cinema I was in. The sole joke that drew laughter was the one involving vulgar sign languages, but even that one is drawn past the funny point and becomes tedious soon after. Danny DeVito is great, and he steals the scene more often than not from billiard-ball Lawrence, as do some of the secondary criminal characters. Heck, William Fichtner’s airy-fairy popinjay detective dances his way all over the main characters. But even he can’t save this boring, lackluster movie.

File What’s the Worst That Could Happen? under rainy day video rentals.