Ultimate Weapon (1997)

Posted by Mrs Giggles on August 18, 2018 in 2 Oogies, Idiot Box Reviews, Series: Perversions of Science / 0 Comments

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Ultimate Weapon (1997)
Ultimate Weapon (1997)

Main cast: Heather Langenkamp (Lou Ann Solomon), Mitchell Whitfield (Matt Solomon), Paolo Seganti (Mike Calderone), Kim Myers (Selena), Jennifer Darling (Lou’s Mother), Maria Cina (Tess), Stephen Kahan (Lou’s Father), and Maureen Teefy (Chrome)
Director: Dean Lopata

The best thing about Ultimate Weapon is Chrome’s actually hilarious opening segment, as she makes innuendo-laden remarks about the joys of accounting in a way that has to be heard to be believed. The rest of this farcical episode can only wish to be as entertaining. And why bring in the two leading ladies from the first three A Nightmare on Elm Street movies (I know, Ms Langenkamp is also in Wes Craven’s New Nightmare but that isn’t actually part of that series as much as it is a progenitor of those Scream movies) only to waste them in something that isn’t a tribute to or parody of those movies?

This episode is about Lou Ann Solomon whose husband Matt has had enough of her constant assertions that she is being stalked by tentacled aliens. He decides to “take a break” from their marriage at the start of episode, after Lou has another “attack”. Actually, the aliens are real. Poor Lou has been picked by these aliens as the lucky lady who will bear their offspring, and now that they have driven off the husband, they send two of their own – the Propagators – to get into her pants. These aliens can change into anything, so they are soon posing as Lou’s friends, the men that she profess an attraction to, and even husband as they make their move on her. However, the Propagators soon run into an unexpected problem: Lou’s parents decide to visit.

Well, Heather Langenkamp and Kim Myers can do comedy, if this episode is anything to go by, but this episode feels off from start to finish. The punchlines never really come together, some scenes feel disjointed from the scenes that come before or after, and the fact that the aliens can be anybody lead to more confusion on the screen for the viewer than anything else. It’s as if the director believes that the viewer has the script in hand to refer to, so the episode itself doesn’t need to worry about coherence or continuity. The fact that this episode turns out to be more predictable than funny means that it isn’t worth making the effort to figure out the episode.

Hence, Ultimate Weapon misses the mark more than anything else.

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Cantankerous muffin who loves boys that sparkle, unicorns, money, chocolates, and fantastical stories.


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