Main cast: Kevin Sorbo (Aedan), Victoria Maurette (Kara), Melissa Ordway (Princess Tanis), Jennifer Siebel Newsom (Queen Ma’at), Whitney Able (Queen Xia), Xavier Declie (Dernier), Jessica Delgado (Levana), Janelle Taylor (Rajan), Morgan Weisser (Captain Avel), Ralf Moeller (General Hafez), Lee Horsley (The Stranger), and Scott Paulin (Tou-Bou Bardo)
Director: Albert Pyun
Tales of an Ancient Empire, also known as Abelar: Tales of an Ancient Empire, is the kind of movie that arrives already burdened by expectation and tragedy. Meant as a sequel to the 1982 cult classic The Sword and the Sorcerer, it was clearly plagued by budget issues and the likely toll of Albert Pyun’s declining health (Mr Pyun was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis shortly after its release). Yet, even with its obvious flaws, it’s not so completely irredeemable that you’d toss it straight into the cinematic abyss. There’s a curious charm lurking amid the chaos, like finding a tarnished gem in a mountain of rubble.
The plot follows a princess who gathers mercenaries to help save her kingdom from a vampiric sorceress. How this connects to The Sword and the Sorcerer is a mystery, except for Lee Horsley’s appearance, perhaps. He led the previous film as Talon but is now credited simply as “the Stranger.” Your guess is as good as mine. A bit of continuity wouldn’t hurt, but then again, Mr Pyun probably had other fires to put out during production.
At first, things aren’t too dire. Sure, there are green screens everywhere, and I mean everywhere, but it seems Mr Pyun was determined to cut costs any way he could. Though one wonders if that meant they couldn’t stretch the budget just a little to at least fill the green screens in with something. Instead, they remain distractingly green, as if mocking the viewer to notice every shot. But hey, who knows? Maybe it’s an artistic choice, given the entire movie is filmed in either jaundiced yellow, bilious green, or a murky darkness so profound you half expect to spot Gollum lurking in the corner. You’ll need more alcohol to find the bright side of that.
The actors themselves are another matter. The vampire lead sports a single facial expression: shocked goldfish, eyes wide and staring as though she just spotted herself in the mirror with those absurd plastic fangs. You can practically hear her struggling to enunciate through them. Still, you have to admire her and the rest of the cast for doing their best to look only mildly mortified as they soldier on. There’s a certain underdog spirit here, like watching someone attempt the Olympics with only two weeks of training.
Kevin Sorbo, bless his Herculean heart, tries his best to infuse life with his usual charisma and one-liners. Unfortunately, this only serves to spotlight the wooden performances around him, which otherwise might have slipped under the radar amid the distractions of shoddy sets and bizarre lighting choices.
You can pinpoint the exact moment when the money ran out. Not long after Mr Sorbo’s appearance, the movie slams to a halt and then—wait for it—rolls the credits over just like that. The sheer audacity of it leaves you feeling somewhat betrayed, as you’d rooted for Mr Pyun and his ragtag cast all this while. But this is your reward? Really? Albert Pyun leaves you hanging, like a cheap joke with no punchline.
Yes, Tales of an Ancient Empire is bad, with a disastrous non-ending, lackluster acting, and dubious lighting choices that might be artistic or simply ill-advised. But there’s a seed of potential in the storyline, if only someone would reboot it into the cult classic it was meant to be. Until then, if you have a penchant for really awful movies, give this one a go. Otherwise, there are far better entries in Albert Pyun’s wonderfully terrible catalogue to waste your time on.
