Main cast: DB Sweeney (Clyde), Rachel Ticotin (Lillian), R Lee Ermey (The Sheriff), and John Kassir (The Crypt Keeper)
Director: Stephen Hopkins

Staired in Horror is another episode which sees the Crypt Keeper’s bookend segments being the most interesting aspect of it all. Having the ghoul recite romantic ghoulish poetry is far more entertaining than anything else here.

Clyde is a fugitive – he’s wanted for murder. He manages to elude the people hot on his heels and stumbles upon what seems like an old antebellum house owned by a very, very old woman. It doesn’t take much to persuade her to take him in, and Clyde sees her as an easy target to add to his list. He specializes in murdering old people, you see, and there seems to be some nice, expensive things in the house. Alas, the house is cursed, or at least, the stairs are, hence the title of this episode, and some interesting complications arise when the curse begins to take effect.

Wait, did I say “interesting”? Sorry, I got carried away for a second.

What really frustrates me is how there is enough here to make this episode an interesting one. Two amoral people trying to beat the curse, some poetic elements of tragedy involving age and beauty, that kind of thing, but what I get instead is an episode all about an idiot screwing things up because he’s, well, an idiot. The twist ending isn’t any fun because it’s catalyzed by that imbecile being a dumb dumb instead of poetic justice.

Well, at least the cinematography, lighting and set are all gorgeous. If only they have spent as much effort on the script.