Main cast: Matt Bomer (Michael), Gavin Creel (Troy), Sierra McCormick (Scarlett), Kaia Gerber (Ruby), Paris Jackson (Maya), Aaron Tveit (Adam), and Merrin Dungey (Dr Andi Grant)
Director: Loni Peristere

So now, in part two of this crap season-opener, Scarlett hooks up with a ghost, Ruby. So, in other words, a lesbian version of that awful teen romance in the first season.

Gay dads having marital strife and one of them cheats on the other. So, just like the gay couple in the first season, right down to how being ghosts trapped in that crap house means that they can now make up and somehow be happy together again.

Angry teen ghosts are now after our heroine. Again, first season rehash.

A resolution straight out of American Horror Story: Hotel, a season only worth its existence in lieu of eye candy and a fabulous soundtrack.

If this episode already didn’t feel like a lifeless PG-rated retread of old seasons, with all the fun sleaze taken out to make the whole thing even more dreary to watch, the show then pads itself with Twitter-tier conversations, eye-rolling lame one-liners, and yes, an ending where nobody has to really pay for their sins because everyone deserves to be happy no matter what in this show.

The people behind this show really have run out of new ideas, right? They seem to think that they can just reuse some rejected first drafts of the first season, turn the lead characters into lesbians, and nobody will notice. At any rate, this one is a complete waste of time. Why do they even make this thing—money laundering, some easy way to reward those that graced Ryan Murphy’s casting couch, or something else? I don’t get it.