CJ Vincent, $0.99, ISBN 978-1386724285
Fantasy Romance, 2018
A long, long time ago, Zeus and his brothers would shag and knock up anyone and everyone, which led to the world in danger of being overrun by half-divine bastards. The goddesses, led by Hera, had had enough and struck a curse on these randy cows: they would never knock up humans ever again. In fact, physical contact with these humans would kill those humans, because that seems really fair.
Then again, these are Greek deities we’re talking about. They are all self-absorbed, cruel, and petty, so all these sound just about right.
Anyway, in the present day, Zeus is super lonely. Through some convoluted mental leap that I’d rather not get into, he and his brothers decide that it has been ordained that they will sire more brats, because that isn’t what created all the drama in the first place, and usher in a new age of Olympian gods.
Well, new age is right: CJ Vincent’s Lightning Strikes makes it clear that it’s now the dawning of the Age of the Butt Babies. Yes, some guy is getting knocked up here…
Cameron can’t be any more of a really dire “I’m a bottom in a gay romance novel” stereotype: he’s all about the theatre and taking care of kids, and he stammers and blushes while wringing and whining about everything due to his inferiority complex. The kids even call him Cammy, which only has me thinking that Cammy White would totally kick his ass blindfolded and one hand tied to one leg, and that’s both sad and cringe in one sorry, whiny package.
Sadly, the male pregnancy thing shows up only in the final epilogue, so I hope people aren’t reading this in hopes of a scene of a demon baby tearing itself out of the hapless whiny bottom’s gaping rear end exit.
You know what I’d love to read here? Cameron getting knocked up much earlier and then have to deal with what would normally be an absurd situation. It’d be fun to see him deal with morning sickness, the bloating, the cramps.. oh wait, considering how whiny he is, maybe it’s a good thing I never get what I wish for, shudder.
Cameron being a walking cringe meat bag aside, there is hardly any romance here. He’s already putty in Zeus’s hands from the get go, so there’s not really any challenge to Zeus to keep things interesting. Instead, it’s a showcase of how annoying and pathetic the bottom is while the top just gets to act smug and obnoxious because whatever he wants, he gets.
So, the top is slimy and cringe, while the bottom is whiny and cringe. It’s not exactly what I’d call a winning combo.
Anyway, the plot of this story is basically cringe overload in everything—dialogues, sex scenes, encounters, freaking everything really—so folks that are allergic to this kind of thing best be steadying their nerves first should they ever have to read this one for whatever reason.
