Main cast: Steven Brand (Ross Craven), Nick Eversman (Steven Craven), Tracey Fairaway (Emma Craven), Sebastien Roberts (Peter Bradley), Devon Sorvari (Sarah Craven), Sanny van Heteren (Kate Bradley), Daniel Buran (The Vagrant), Jay Gillespie (Nico Bradley), and Stephan Smith Collins (Pinhead)
Director: Victor Garcia
Hellraiser: Revelations, or as I like to call it, Hellraiser: We Need to Keep the Rights is a film that screams, “We had a deadline, and it shows.” Shot in what feels like the amount of time it takes to order and regret fast food, this entry exists solely because Dimension Films needed to slap a bald guy with pins in his head on something—anything—or lose the rights to the franchise. Director Victor Garcia and screenwriter Gary J Tunicliffe, bless their hearts, did their best with what they had, but this one is a tough watch, even for Hellraiser veterans.
The whole movie takes place in what seems like a single, sad location. No, this isn’t a psychological thriller, and it’s definitely not an intimate character study. It’s just the cheapest way to get something on film, and it shows.
To make matters worse, Doug Bradley, the iconic Pinhead, didn’t answer the call this time. I doubt it was the script that put him off—I mean, let’s be real, he was in the last few sequels. Maybe it was the pay, or perhaps he had something better to do, like sorting his sock drawer. Meanwhile, the movie looks like it was made on the kind of budget where the catering is just a bag of chips.
The plot? Well, that’s a generous word for it. Two families come together to wail and agonize over the disappearance of two teenagers who went MIA—because what’s more Hellraiser than a good old-fashioned family reunion? The puzzle box makes an obligatory appearance, because it has to, I guess. We’re treated to a cast of unlikable characters who spend most of the movie shouting, shrieking, and generally making you wish the Cenobites would just take them already. There’s even a weird hint of incest that feels like it’s there just to remind you that this is supposed to be a Hellraiser movie—creepy sex and all. Except it’s more cringe than creepy.
And then there’s the new Pinhead. The poor guy looks like he drew the shortest straw and is just trying to get through the day before anyone recognizes him under all that makeup. The rest of the cast is just as uninspired, stumbling through their roles like they’re ticking boxes on a to-do list. That said, Steven Brand is hot, and his presence makes this slog a tiny bit more bearable. Just a tiny bit.
Worst Hellraiser ever? Probably not, but it’s damn close. If you’re a die-hard fan, you might watch this just to say you’ve seen them all. But don’t say I didn’t warn you: this is one hell of a rough ride.
