Category:Film Reviews

XXX: Return of Xander Cage (2017)

Oh my goodness, here’s a movie that’s almost pornographic in how it treats its eye candies, firepower, and gratuitous violence.

I actually watched this one back in 2005, but promptly forgot to post a review. Rewatching it again, I can see why.

Watch how Hollywood hams and cheeses up an actual bombing event into some lighter-waving feel-good shlock.

Bye forever, Alice! I was so ready to say goodbye for a while now, anyway.

There is only enough material here to keep me interested for, oh, 30 minutes. Everything after is just boredom in action.

No happy hour here – this low budget monster flick is not terrible, but it is not good either.

I really want to like this one more. It’s one of those things that make you feel smart just by watching it.

This is a very sweet love story set in space… provided one can accept the premise and how the movie tackles this premise.

This is exactly what is advertised on the box: a big, dumb, fun movie. Just sit back. enjoy, and try not to think too hard about it.

Ass’s assing crap, more like.