Category:Film Reviews

Saltwater (2016)

Don’t watch this for the monster stuff – watch it for the comedy, awful CGIs, and Bobby Campo’s adorable smile.

This is why high school brats should be playing video games or watching naughty things online instead of, shudder, socializing.

So, what happens when real zombies crash into a zombie movie set? Human buffet time, naturally.

How did the song go? Oh right: yet another movie with the Rock playing the Rock as the Rock. I’m starting to get bored,

A perfect antidote to the bittersweet aftertaste of that last Marvel Cinematic Universe movie. Fun, frothy, and shallow in a good way.

My face when the fakest of the fake props are more natural than any of the cast in this low budget catastrophe.

This sequel appears to be one in name only – despite having the same names and faces in both movies, the leads are different people.

It’s “Let’s finally watch the first movie now that the sequel is just around the corner!” time with a yummy hitman.

I need to care about the characters to cry over their plight. I don’t care about any of the characters in this one.

How can a movie with so many talented people end up being such a lifeless bore?