Category:Film Reviews

7 Guardians of the Tomb (2018)

This is the equivalent of getting a stack of giant Anthrax spore-filled envelopes from China and Australia.

Jason Statham turns out to be the only valid reason to watch this thing, and even then, he’s fighting uphill.

The lead actor quit show business and is never seen in LA ever again after this movie. That should tell you something.

Don’t be fooled by the kickass poster – someone decided that this movie is better off trying to be Twilight.

Don’t watch this for the monster stuff – watch it for the comedy, awful CGIs, and Bobby Campo’s adorable smile.

This is why high school brats should be playing video games or watching naughty things online instead of, shudder, socializing.

So, what happens when real zombies crash into a zombie movie set? Human buffet time, naturally.

How did the song go? Oh right: yet another movie with the Rock playing the Rock as the Rock. I’m starting to get bored,

A perfect antidote to the bittersweet aftertaste of that last Marvel Cinematic Universe movie. Fun, frothy, and shallow in a good way.

My face when the fakest of the fake props are more natural than any of the cast in this low budget catastrophe.