Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead (2009)

Posted by Mr Mustard on November 16, 2024 in 2 Oogies, Film Reviews, Genre: Horror & Monster

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead (2009)Main cast: Tom Frederic (Officer Nate Wilson), Janet Montgomery (Alex Miles), Gil Kolirin (Floyd), Christian Contreras (US Marshal William Juarez), Jake Curran (Crawford), Tom McKay (Brandon Lewis), Chucky Venn (Officer Walter Hazelton), and Tamer Hassan (Carlos Chavez)
Director: Declan O’Brien

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Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead is where the franchise veers off the road and into the abyss, signaling the start of a slow, agonizing terminal descent into pure franchise cancer.

Declan O’Brien, who directed this and the next two installments, deserves special mention. He famously declared that all he wanted was more T&A and gore, and the rest could rot in the West Virginia woods. Admirable honesty, perhaps, but unlike Charles Band and other budget-savvy auteurs who’ve mined this formula for occasional low-budget gems, Mr O’Brien’s work only yields unpleasant spectacles for anyone unfortunate enough to watch.

The film kicks off by cramming in as much female T&A as possible, knowing the rest of the movie is destined to be a sausage fest. Our token friendly lady doesn’t last long, immediately dispatched by Wrong Turn’s resident hillbilly nightmare, Three Fingers, now raising a pint-sized cannibal prodigy creatively dubbed “Three Toes”. Yes, the scriptwriters apparently thought that pun was gold.

The plot, if you can call it that, follows prison guards escorting prisoners, including big-shot crime boss Carlo Chavez, to a new facility. But plot twist: one of the prisoners is an undercover FBI agent on a mission to sniff out Chavez’s accomplices. Double plot twist: none of this matters because mutant hillbillies. Somehow, a scrawny hillbilly and his murder-spawn manage to outwit and slaughter a group of trained men with firearms. Suspension of disbelief? Shattered like a poorly rendered CGI bone.

Speaking of which, the movie’s shoestring budget is painfully obvious. Filmed entirely in some woods in Bulgaria, the characters shuffle in circles, delivering the same tired threats and insults on repeat. Carlo Chavez, in particular, has a one-man show of clichés and comebacks that would make a broken record blush. It’s like watching an improv exercise gone horribly wrong. You’ll find yourself wishing the trees would just swallow everyone whole to end the tedium.

The acting is abysmal, the dialogue is uninspired, and the death scenes are frightening only because of how terrible the CGI is. Were these effects outsourced to interns who hated their jobs? By the time the credits roll, you’re not scared, thrilled, or even disgusted—you’re just… bored.

Left for Dead, in hindsight, might be the most honest title in the franchise. Not just for the characters, but for the series itself, as this marks the beginning of its rapid descent to rock bottom. The scariest realization is that as bad as this movie is, the sequels are worse. Declan O’Brien, the Wrong Turn fandom has words for you—and they’re not ones I can print.

Mr Mustard
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