Main cast: Mark Dacascos (Felix Johnson), Debbe Dunning (Aubrey Scott), Marjean Holden (Andrea Johnson), Stoney Jackson (Aaron Scott), Wayne Newton (Wink Barnum), and John Kassir (The Crypt Keeper)
Director: John Harrison
I have no idea what is happening to Tales from the Crypt, but The Pit is another dud to add to the long list of bewilderingly below par time-wasters in this sixth season. This one has no actual monsters, but it features not one but two nasty bitches, the evergreen go-to villain of this series.
Felix Johnson and Aaron Scott are two rivals in the ring. The two martial arts fighters are both unbeatable and numerous bitter duels in the ring suggest that they are equally matched. But their rivalry is nothing compared to that of their wives, Andrea and Aubrey. Both women are rivals too, although they have stopped competing because women are paid far less and they prefer to let their husbands bring home the bread. But with Felix and Aaron competing for the main role in the action feature The Pulverizer, the two women take this rivalry to new heights, squabbling and arguing with one another even in media appearances when they are not pushing and browbeating their husbands. In Aubrey’s case, cheating on the husband too.
Promoter Wink Barnum is out of ideas for a blockbuster show – Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield dunking it out at Mike’s prison is ruled out, probably for being too tasteless even for his industry – when he sees the two couples trying to upstage one another in public. He has an idea! Johnson versus Scott, in a fight that is based on Malaysian death match rules. Now, as a Malaysian, I can sadly vouch that there is no such thing, which is a pity as it’d make life more interesting around here. Back to the show, Wink smartly approaches the wives with this idea, and the two women happily sign on on behalf of their husbands. It’s a win-win thing all around, as this is a match to the death and hence, one of them will definitely be without a husband to boast of at the end of the day.
Their husbands, as you can imagine, are not as keen on fighting to the death…
I suppose this episode is trying to satirize the competitive martial arts scene or something, but oh my goodness. Mark Dacascos and Stoney Jackson are not exactly award-winning actors, but the two ladies Debbe Dunning and Marjean Holden are especially crippled by both wooden acting and some of the worst lines this side of the universe. At one point, poor Ms Dunning has to call Ms Holden’s character, “Dismal bitch!” That’s what I call a career high, snort.
The entire episode vaporizes what little inventiveness or even humor it may delude itself into thinking it has to showcase the two nasty women screeching, hissing, and generally behaving like cartoon poster girls for MGTOWs everywhere. To be fair to Marjean Holden, at least she portrays a female fighter a bit more convincingly than Debbe Dunning, who looks hopelessly like a pretender. And while Mark Dacascos can certainly kick asses in real life, the fight scenes in this episode are just awful and offer no diversion from the awful caterwauling females behaving badly showcase that this episode turns out to be.
I’m tossing in an extra oogie for the humorous if predictable “twist” at the end, but on the whole, oh god, why they even bother with an episode this dumb, I will never know.
