Gita V Reddy, $3.99, ISBN 978-1005575120
Historical Romance, 2021
Jessica Spencer’s Not So Sweet Maria has a copyright date of “2017 to 2021”, so it’s possible that this one could have been first published in 2017. This is the first time I am reading it, though, so I’m going to go with it being published in 2021 for the purpose of this review.
I initially believe that I have stumbled upon something good after reading the first few pages of this one.
Sweet Maria, the heroine in the title, is actually the daughter of the disgraced Lord Daventon, Marquess of Roth, who eloped with an American nobody and caused a big fuss among the Ton as a result. When her parents died while she was just a girl, she was sent back to England to be placed under the care of her grandmother. Today, Lady Maria is a popular fixture of Polite Society, when on paper she shouldn’t be. She isn’t the prettiest lady of the ball, but men flock to her nonetheless. The other debutantes and their mothers can’t hate her, because she will introduce them to the single and worthy gentlemen orbiting around her, and quite a number of advantageous marriages were made from such introductions.
I am charmed by such a heroine. She seems a pretty tall glass of water from the usual secretly-sexy bluestockings that litter the ballrooms of the historical romance genre. Well, then I read on and my hopes are dashed.
Maria is on her best behavior because she doesn’t want her grandmother to attribute any coarseness in her behavior to the bad genes passed on from her commoner mother to her. She is actually single after four seasons because, oh, she despises English gentlemen despite never really getting to know any of them. She also plans to leave for America when she turns 21, and no, granny dearest cannot stop her. She hasn’t thought much of what she wants to do when she gets to America, although later in this story she decides to buy herself a plantation. I can see the progressive socialists out there clutching their pearls and screaming, “She better don’t be hiring any black slaves now!”
Fortunately, we all know that the hero will always come in to save the heroine from actually carrying out her half-baked plans that may end up putting her in dun territory or worse. Gareth, the Earl of Daventon, is our hero. His father died still crying out for his wife, whom he banished for being a cheating ho, so Gareth now decides that love is for masochists, and he’s too cool for that kind of posturing.
So what happens is that they spot one another at a bonnet store. He assumes that she’s a shop girl. She thinks he may be a commoner and hence a suitable object of her affection. Don’t ask. Romance heroines are like that, and fortunately, they never have to be accountable for the nonsense they do on the account of their addled logic. I suppose Gareth is the only passably hot gentleman in all of England, because Maria for the first time experiences the blooming of G-rated desire in her crot… er, heart. Will these two ever figure out the other and find love in the process?
As one may guess from the cover, this one is more of a sweet historical romance, with none of that sexy-mexy stuff to taint the innocence of virginal eyes, although I don’t think this is a bad thing in itself. We can’t always read the hot stuff non-stop, I always say—we need to switch things up with wholesome stories too, just to keep it interesting.
However, this story is all about two privileged members of society making up problems as they go, instead of dealing with genuine problems, and with this thing being closer to a long novella than a short story, it soon wears out its welcome because of this. Gareth and Maria—especially Maria, because, you know, romance heroine—keep circling one another with quick assumptions, second guessing, and doubts that could have been easily resolved if they would just talk to one another. What, is talking deemed gauche behavior in the Victorian times?
Also, Maria piles on the harebrained assumptions about how Gareth is a no-no because all English gentlemen are no-nos just to keep the emotional waffling and merry-go-round going. Is the author aware that heroine is coming off like a prejudiced twit? Sure, what her parents experienced wasn’t great, and her grandmother isn’t going to win any awards for her care and affection, but our heroine keeps jumping to these wrong, sweeping conclusions all the time that I end up doubting the validity of her much-vaunted intellect.
The lack of a compelling romantic conflict aside, the story also suffers from lifeless, monotonous prose. The author’s style is basically: “They did this. She felt this. He said that. They then went there. They did that there. They then went somewhere else. They did something else in that somewhere else. He felt this. He told her something. She heard him. She thought maybe he was alright, and then remembered that all Englishmen are supposed to be twats.”
Things could be livened up a bit if the author had varied the tone and structure of her sentences. Here, I’m reading an instruction manual; the whole thing is dry as a result, and can be put down and forgotten too easily for its own good.
Still, for all its faults, Not So Sweet Maria is never particularly bad or unreadable. It’s just dull, due to its lack of interesting conflict and monotonous prose. Reading this one is like eating plain crackers. It’s not the most exciting fare, but I suppose there are times when one needs to eat plain crackers anyway, such as when one needs a break from reading far more exciting and scintillating stuff. Can’t get too overheated, after all, think of the nerves.
Okay, I may be grasping at straws here, but… I don’t know. Despite how boring I find this one to be, I find myself liking what Maria and Gareth could have been. They had all the fundamental ingredients to be larger than life memorable characters, and it’s a shame that they end up being what they are. I think I’ll be nice and give this one three oogies for this reason, but do take note that, under any other day and circumstances, I could have easily given this one two oogies instead. I know, I’m being a waffle here, but hey, we all have those days.
