Bantam, $8.99, ISBN 978-0-553-57159-2
Historical Romance, 1996 (Reissue)

Ah, Mystique by Amanda Quick! I’m ready to launch into my typical dramatic, sweeping review of this medieval romance that will transport you to… um… wait a second.

*Frantically flips through mental pages*

Oh dear. It seems the details of this novel have mysteriously vanished from my memory banks, much like the fabled green crystal of Scarcliffe. How embarrassing! Let me consult my notes and try again.

Now, where were we? Ah yes, the plot. Picture this: a brooding knight with the subtle name of Hugh the Relentless—I see what you did there, Ms Quick—is on a quest. But not for the Holy Grail or to slay dragons. No, he’s after some shiny rocks. Because nothing says “medieval adventure” quite like geology, right?

Our dashing hero encounters Alice, a proto scientist with a penchant for crystals and a burning desire to… join a convent? Naturally, these two strike up a bargain involving betrothals, education, and more rocks. It’s like The Bachelor: Middle Ages Edition, but with less jousting and more mineralogy.

Oh boy, how do I even begin to describe this… unique take on medieval romance? It’s as if the author decided, “You know what the 12th century really needed? Characters who act suspiciously like they’ve time-traveled from the author’s Regency-period romantic comedy!” The period setting feels about as authentic as a plastic sword at a Renaissance fair.

As for our leads, well… Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: a brooding, alpha male hero and a feisty, intelligent heroine who’s Not Like Other Medieval Ladies™. Their romance unfolds with all the passion and excitement of watching paint dry on castle walls. And let’s not forget the “suspense” plot, which is about as thrilling as a game of medieval Bingo.

In the end, Mystique left me feeling about as inspired as a serf on tax collection day. It’s not necessarily the worst Amanda Quick novel ever penned, but it certainly gives “forgettable” a run for its money. One can’t help but wonder if this book was written with the enthusiasm of someone fulfilling a feudal obligation rather than crafting a captivating tale.

In conclusion, if you’re looking for a medieval romance that will transport you to another time and place, might I suggest… literally any other book? Or perhaps a nice documentary on actual medieval history? It might be more romantic than this novel.