Main cast: Katherine Barrell (Jade), Tim Rozon (Sam), Sai Bennett (Alice), Luke Newton (Billy), Craig Stein (Spencer), Greg Kriek (Travis), Joe Pantoliano (Henderson), Alisha Bailey (Pennie), Maxim Baldry (Dane), and Gavin Lee Gomes (Gomez)
Director: Darrell Roodt
Wait, the Lake Placid thing is still going on? That movie came out in 1999… they are still churning out sequels today? Still, the movie poster is pretty cool, and the teasers I saw on YouTube didn’t look too bad, so what the heck, it’s been a while since I watched a killer crocodile movie. How can this hurt?
Well, before I get to that, let’s deal away with the plot first. The main focus is on the couple Jade and Sam, played by two people who are also together in the Syfy TV series Wynonna Earp. Given that Lake Placid: Legacy is also a Syfy thing, maybe these people told the two cast members that they better tangle with the killer crocodile or get fired. I’m just kidding. It’s not like getting fired from a Syfy show is that big of a deal – who actually puts shows on that network on their CV these days?
Oh yes, Sam and Jade. They are in love. Currently they are part of a social justice vigilante group, breaking into labs and generally being annoying while Alice reports their escapades on Buzzfeed. Of course it’s Buzzfeed, it figures. Anyway, Sam wants the two of them to retire after they settle down, and focus instead on more legal forms of social justice nuisance like lobbying. If they survive this movie, I wager they will end up joining the Antifa and protesting capitalism while recording everything on their iPhones to be uploaded on the corporate-owned YouTube. Back to these people, Jade’s ex Dane sends a video challenging Sam to bring the group to a research facility in a remote island, taunting the man that he doesn’t know what Jade really wants: Jade wants to remain as a vigilante sort. Sam is like, “ON!” and the whole gang head over to the place, where they all get chomped on by a giant rubber crocodile.
You know what my number one problem with this movie is? That character Spencer. Oh my god, this is the most infuriatingly irritating character ever. I know, these days every progressive movie needs to have a loudmouth black guy who just won’t shut up as a stereotype sterling example of diversity, but this particular character just won’t stop shouting, shrieking, yelling, and generally being a complete douchenozzle who, worst of all, doesn’t have the grace to die first like other sterling examples of diversity in modern day monster flicks. It’s probably not Craig Stein’s fault – unless someone tells me that all his character’s obnoxious antics are his own improvisation, that is – but I wonder what he is thinking to read the script and go, “Yeah, I’ll play that guy!” Maybe he just needs to pay the rent, I know, but yikes, this character is too painfully grating on the nerves. Did he make so much noise during the previous covert outings of this group of idiots? If yes, how were they not caught each time? He is so loud.
Not that the other characters are worth rooting for. The most likable character is perhaps Pennie, who is hired to escort these morons, because the actress’s accent is adorable, but that character makes a pointless sacrifice so she’s still a moron. The rest are morons too. Jade has final girl written all over her, so of course she has to go all “I can’t do it! Eeek!” even when she’s about to die and has to be egged to move on by the others. Moron. Seriously, everyone here does many things of questionable intelligence from start to finish, that I end up screaming at the crocodile to eat them all now.
Lake Placid: Legacy is actually a by-the-numbers monster-hunts-morons movie, and it has better production values than a typical Syfy junk food show. so it’s not too bad… if the characters in the movie weren’t so death-worthy, bloody stupid and ugh-I-just-can’t obnoxious.
