Amy Sparling, $0.99, ISBN 979-8201867096
Contemporary Romance, 2021

Like most sensible romance heroines, Katy White went to college hoping to find a man to settle down.

Well, at 26, she is still single and putting her accounting degree to good use by… let me check, at the back room office at Zee Cycles. She could freeze to death in there and people may find her well-preserved corpse only weeks later, that’s how isolated she is.

She now has a dire dilemma: she has to attend the upcoming company annual holiday party, but she can’t appear as a single woman. She just can’t! She is already feeling like a biggest loser because she is the only single woman among her family members and friends, and she will… she will… die if she didn’t get hitched and pregnant three weeks ago.

Meanwhile, Cody—yes, Katy and Cody, isn’t that cute—also works there, although he’s more of a hands on guy so he never really notices Katy in the office until now. Ooh, she’s cute. If she would open her garage door, he’d love to show her his motorcycle.

Alas, he also makes the mistake of calling Katy “girl”, so our independent and totally modern woman is mortally offended. She’d have to look elsewhere for her 21st-century dream of getting married and perpetually pregnant, thank you very much!

So, back to the question of finding a date for that Christmas party. It’s 2021, so I’d assume the most sensible thing to do is to boot up a hook-up app and pick a cute guy to drag along and maybe get some nookie during the after-party. Simple, right?

Of course, romance heroines are always conscious about appearing too much like a ho, and I suppose hook-up apps rank up there with make-up and boob jobs as things that tell romance readers that the woman is OMG SUCH A HO.

So, Katy does the convoluted thing, going on speed dates while determined to find her true love by meeting and talking to guys for a few minutes each time. Wait, how does that even work?

Anyway, Katy and the Christmas Cupid is well-written in a cute romantic comedy from the 20th century way, but yeah, we’re now in the 21st century. What may work last century makes the heroine come off as a dingbat that over-complicates things way too much for the silliest of reason, and I find myself having a hard time getting into the story as a result.

Earth to Amy Sparling: her stories need to move on with time, or else these things would just appear outdated and even gauche. The only thing that feels evergreen here is the dingbat heroine that looks for love in the oddest places through the weirdest means, and that’s not exactly a good thing.