Main cast: Keenan Wynn (Duncan Williams), George O Petrie (Jack Blaine), Michael Freeman (Richards), and Brad Fisher (The Devil)
Director: John Harrison

Duncan Williams and Jack Blaine are two frenemies who have become millionaires through means both legal and illegal. What’s a little homicide when it comes to entrepreneurship, after all. These two have done everything that they can do to one up the other person that they are reduced to Duncan offering Jack a million dollars for his soul. Both are atheists that don’t believe in souls and afterlife, so Jack chuckles and announces that this is the easiest million he has ever made. Well, the joke’s on him, because shortly after he is told by his doctor that he has only months to live. He asks Duncan to cancel the contract, but Duncan just finds the whole thing hilarious.

I’ll Give You a Million is a paper-thin story stretched out to fill its run time, so for a long time, it wastes time allowing both main actors to chew scenery and guffaw like they are trying to win a Foo Manchu impersonator contest. This episode takes ages to get to the contract signage, and then it wastes time having Duncan walk around in spooky hallways and jumping at fake scares. All this dragged-out exercise in boredom leads to a denouement that can be seen coming from a mile away.

Interestingly, this is the second episode with a completely different depiction of the Devil. Here, he’s a very pasty dandy who holds a rose for no reason other than to suggest he’s late to some cosplay conference where he’s supposed to be Tuxedo Rose from those Sailormoon cartoons.

I’ll Give You a Million gives very few reasons for people to watch it.