Gummibear
Pop, 2007

Beware, people. Gummibär’s I Am Your Gummy Bear passes itself off as a collection of songs meant for kids – and from my experience, kids really do love this stuff – but when you think of it, you will wonder why any self-respecting kiddie-friendly album will have a computerized robotic vocal wheezing out Touch Me (Gummibär). Eeuw.

Okay, I Am a Gummy Bear (The Gummy Bear Song) is pretty catchy in an annoying fly-buzzing-in-the-head way, but listening to this album for a prolonged duration can cause unexpected repercussions. Just take a look of the songs present here. These people have gathered some of the most irritating songs in existence and grind them some more through the vocal processors: Eiffel 65’s Blue (Da Ba Dee), Scatman’s I’m a Scatman, and a bunch of songs in that same vein.

So while the little tyke dances around happily to the songs on this CD, set to auto-replay, I can only take a deep breath and discreetly put on a pair of earmuffs. Even then, I find myself humming out loud that supremely annoying I Am a Gummy Bear (The Gummy Bear Song) anyway.

If you know what is good for you, avoid this one because once it has its clutches on you, there is no escape.

Ba ba bidubidubi yum yum
Ba ba bidubidubi yum yum
Ba ba bidubidubi yum yum

God help us all.