Jove, $5.99, ISBN 0-515-13181-4
Historical Romance, 2001

Heaven Sent is about our too-dumb heroine Callida Prophet who reads (illegally, of course) the mail of one sweet Becky, who writes to her dead Mom. Callida, the Prophetess of Doom, surely, answers back as “Mom”. Now, I don’t know what shrinks will say, but I think it is not nice to fuel a child’s delusions this way.

Anyway, when Becky writes about daddy seeking a nanny, our heroine, who has no life so far to speak of, drops everything and goes off to be the nanny. She discovers hero Aubrey neglecting his daughter because Becky reminds him too much of his dead wife. So he treats Becky like a bag of meat. Callie rips it to him good, calling him a jerk father. I perk up. “Yeah!”

Then Callie discovers Aubrey’s letters to his late wife, and since Callie has this thing for reading mail not meant for her, she reads them and falls in love with Aubrey’s pretty words. Out the window goes Aubrey’s selfish issue: all is understood and forgiven, because he writes so pretty words, ooh, ooh. Instead, now it’s Aubrey calling Callie all sort of euphemisms for “prostitute” and Callie going “Yes, I read your mail and all, I’m such a prostitute, compared to you, a lousy, moronic, borderline abusive father but you are so much better than me because you write so pretty words!”

I have nothing to say to that, really.