Taylor Neptune, $0.99, ISBN 978-1005305307
Sci-fi Romance, 2022
I don’t know if all of these authors went to the same school or paid for the same “Write a bestseller in 7 days!” course, but Taylor Neptune’s Abducted by the Alien doesn’t deviate from the whole “mate” and “kidnapped by a sexy alpha, and that’s okay, because he’s a hot dude” formula that seems to be everywhere these days.
Jennifer Samson is the perfect heroine that can be kidnapped away without making any ripple. She’s broke, with no family or friends to notice her missing.
Fortunately, this is a romance story, not one of the endless Netflix serial killer series, so she is kidnapped by Quy Vuong, this rippling 7-foot tall alien that has been stalking her for a while now, because he has her marked as his baby maker and hoochie mama all in one.
As with all these alien dudes, his Yuenanren people have been running out of females—no one seems to question why; how come no one checks these guys’ basements?—so some intergalactic federation has orchestrated for him and his men to come to Earth and drag women back onto their space caves for propagation of their species.
We preferred to be as non-invasive as we could, because not every female was a good match for being a Bride. We had to do it in a way that the humans here wouldn’t notice, so we inserted the nano-bots intra-vaginally.
In simpler terms, I needed to have sex with beautiful women for a living.
Life was good.
Berander, ladies and gentlemen. He’s the hero, as I’m sure we can all tell from his gallantry and non-coercive courtship ways.
We found our way into the apartment. She was clinging to my arm, and once we were inside, I shut the door and backed her up against it, pulling her upwards a few inches so that I could kiss her. I pinned her with my hips to the door. She seemed to like it, moaning in front of me.
She tasted like a fruity margarita. That must’ve been what she drank earlier in the night. I wondered why she had ordered a gin and tonic when I’d picked her up.
Oh well. Time to move on with the probe.
Okay, that’s it. This is starting to get ugly. Oh, I’m sure we can try to justify this by saying that he’s hot so what is happening is perfectly A-OK, but come on. Dude is an alien from some godforsaken planet. I don’t care that he is a sexy kind of date rape drug, because even if there were enough pharmaceutical happiness to convince me that this is a hot fantasy, I can only cringe at the kind of alien mutant hybrid brat that will result from such an encounter.
Too disturbing in a too-real and too-awful way to be enjoyable, yet not campy or ridiculous enough to make the horror factor palatable—mostly because the author is trying in a half-arsed way to pretend that this whole thing is an amazing ride for womankind everywhere—just to have the alien-probe bastard impregnate the poor woman with who knows what.
Does the author even realize what she has done here? Shudder.
