Kimani, $6.50, ISBN 978-0-373-86507-9
Contemporary Romance, 2017
A Miami Affair is Sherelle Green’s contribution to the multi-author series Millionaire Moguls, and yes, we have a bunch of guys unironically calling themselves that. In a time when you can’t even throw a rock in the romance genre without it hitting a billionaire bad boy who cries when he thinks of what his mother made him do, this is an embarrassing as being Jon Gosselin and demanding to be given a table next to Kanye and Kim. If you can get past that, then you have to deal with a story where nothing that remotely threatens to disturb a reader’s pulse happens over long stretches of time.
The synopsis makes it sound far more exciting than it is. Joshua DeLong – yes, it’s long, thanks for asking – is managing the annual charity fundraiser for Prescott George, the snooty rich blokes club that he belongs to, and he decides that the Aunt Penny Foundation will be perfect as their charity beneficiary this year. The Foundation’s PR director is our heroine, Becca Wright, and her best friend found the whole thing. And like anything managed by women in a romance novel, the Foundation is barely even flopping around anymore because rigor mortis is setting in. Being the beneficiary of the Prescott George charity fundraiser would be a godsend, but Joshua plans to make the event a star-studded one, and Becca wonders whether the “risk” of such exposure is worth the money. What risk, you ask? I have no idea, considering that nobody in that Foundation seems to be a con, a serial killer, or a former Kardashian ex. Also, Becca doesn’t trust pretty boys, and Justin sure is pretty.
But the bulk of this story revolves around lunches, people walking around enjoying the scenery, talking about mundane things most of the time. Justin thinks that Becca is hot, and ooh, she thinks that he’s hot though. More lunches, more dinners, more day to day look into the lifestyles of very rich but unfortunately very dull people. Oh my god, Justin lives in a yacht and Becca wonders how she will ever cope being that rich. She clearly lacks imagination. And look, Justin wants to bring reforms to Prescott George, he wants to make it less of a club ruled by old money people and more like OH WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT THE BORING FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS OF BORING RICH TURDS. Someone please kill somebody or at least blow up a yacht or two. Just give me something interesting to read, is that too much to ask?
On the bright side, maybe A Miami Affair will be good for readers who are under instructions from the doctor to rest and experience as little excitement as possible. The best thing I can say about this one is that the narrative has a nice bounce and the main characters are likable. But my goodness, what are they doing? Boring me silly, that’s what. Sigh.