Atlantic
Christmas Music, 1999

I’ve never heard a cow trying to sing Joy to the World until I made the mistake of playing this album on the CD player. Joy: A Holiday Collection is full of standard Christmas anthems (O Holy Night, Ave Maria, Hark the Angels Sing, et cetera) showcases our buxom lass trying her best to burst out of her bodice as she over-emotes in a most annoying way.

It is one thing to be filled with emotions of the spiritual meaning of Noel (or something), but this is Jewel bleating jo-Oh-OH-OH-oy to the WOOOOHRLD as if she is some celestial angel proclaiming judgement day to a gathering of deaf-mute people. The only listenable moment is the splendidly-produced Gloria, again ruined by her overeager attempt to be the Earth Mother of all Earth Mothers, driving the message of muzak and cloying sentimentality all the way down my throat.

Yikes.