Main cast: Craig Sheffer (Detective Joseph Thorne), Nicholas Turturro (Detective Tony Nenonen), Nicholas Sadler (Bernie), Matt George (Leon Gaultier), Noelle Evans (Melanie Thorne), Sasha Barrese (Daphne Sharp), Michael Shamus Wiles (Mr Parmagi), Kathryn Joosten (Mary Thorne), Carmen Argenziano (The Captain), James Remar (Dr Paul Gregory), and Doug Bradley (Pinhead)
Director: Scott Derrickson
The messy behind the scenes of Hellraiser: Inferno is like a jigsaw puzzle with too many missing pieces.
First, Dimension Films barred Clive Barker, who wrote the original story that gave rise to the Hellraiser franchise, from getting involved. It’s a tale as old as time: the moment something succeeds, all the useless egomaniacs in Hollywood latch on to it, eager to squeeze every last drop of profit out of it, with no regard for the original vision. This cesspit of a system means that “marketing” is often just a code word for “untalented scumbags” who are more interested in the bottom line than in preserving the integrity of a beloved property.
According to Doug Bradley, the Pinhead actor himself, the script was never intended to be a Hellraiser movie in the first place. This claim was disputed by the director, who conveniently enough also co-wrote the screenplay, but it’s easy to believe Mr Bradley after watching this movie. It’s like they threw in a few Party City Cenobites and Pinhead as an afterthought, hoping to cash in on the franchise’s cult status. The result is a dull supernatural thriller that feels like a cheap knock-off, leaving fans of the original series feeling more puzzled than intrigued.
The plot is about as exciting as watching paint dry. We follow a corrupt Denver cop, Joseph Thorne, who stumbles upon a mysterious puzzle box and ends up descending into a world of hallucinations and murder. But instead of the thrilling, gory spectacle we’ve come to expect from the Hellraiser franchise, it’s more like a cheap episode of Law & Order: Supernatural Edition. The “Engineer” killer is about as menacing as a toddler with a pair of safety scissors.
Watching Hellraiser: Inferno is like trying to solve the Lament Configuration while underwater. It’s a tedious, plodding experience that leaves you wondering why you even bothered. The lead character, Joseph Thorne, is as dull as a butter knife, and the pacing is so slow that you could probably take a nap and miss nothing. By the time the credits roll, you’ll feel like you’ve wasted your time, and the only thing that’s truly terrifying is the realization that you can’t get those precious minutes of your life back.
Hellraiser: Inferno is about as related to the original “Hellraiser” franchise as a grilled cheese sandwich is to a gourmet five-course meal. It’s a cheap, uninspired knock-off that feels more like a generic supernatural thriller than a proper entry in the series. The Cenobites and Pinhead himself are mere shadows of their former selves, reduced to nothing more than cheap, underdeveloped plot devices. It’s a disappointing, forgettable experience that leaves you wondering why they even bothered to slap the Hellraiser name on it in the first place.
