Mockingbird Press, $7.89, ISBN 978-0-9981364-0-0
Spiritualism, 2016
I have put off reviewing this thing for a long time now, because I have a feeling that it will attract the ire of a certain segment of the population that may cause blood to pour from every orifice of my body when they get angry. Still, what kind of person would I be to withdraw my judgment and wisdom from my fellow human beings? Somewhere out there may be someone who took one look at Goetia: The Book of Evil Spirits and wondered, “Wait, so if I read this one, I will get to summon a demon lord to do my evil bidding?”
Well, if you were ever that person, well, I hate to break this to you: no, you won’t.
This one, also called Ars Goetia or The Book of Evil Spirits, is actually just one of five parts of a much bigger body of work called The Lesser Key of Solomon. The whole thing was purportedly written in the 17th century, and to date is one of the most famous, if not the most famous, grimoire on demonology today. It is usually held in more respect by folks that follow the late Aleister Crowley’s teaching—look him up online if you don’t know him; my attempt at explaining this fellow may draw ire from his fanclub—but me, I purchase this thing initially because I assume that there will be incantations to summon demons here. Hey, I’m just curious. It’s not like I have a long list of politicians, lawyers, bankers, customer support people, and civil servants that I’d love to rain brimstone and perpetual diarrhea on.
Note that this edition is just one of the many translations available out there. The authors listed here are more accurately the translators, and I’m not educated enough to guess as to which translation is the most accurate or authoritative one. I’m just here for the demons.
The best thing about this one is the names and descriptions of the demons that purportedly run and manage the real estates of Hell, along with the higher-ups they report to. There are indeed many of them, and the descriptions of them range from vivid to superficial. Maybe the shy demon lords of Hell don’t like to talk about themselves to the anonymous fellow that wrote the original Ars Goetia.
Maybe that’s the whole point, but the demon lords as portrayed in here don’t seem that evil. Flauros will surely know the true origin of the COVID-19 virus, as he’s the patron of true answers to every question in existence. Given the state of education in colleges and universities these days, maybe someone should call the patron of such things, Allocer, for his opinion. Crocell, the demon lord in charge of liberal sciences, may have the answer as to why I can open an issue of Scientific American and be deluged instead with articles on racism, social justice, and how mathematics should be cancelled because numbers are racist or something like that. Aw, Zepar is a romantic, as he draws men and women together in love, and he also makes women barren, thus making him the ideal poster-demon for the child-free movement on social media. Hmm, reading this thing makes me realize that I may have inadvertently stumbled upon the true cause of the intellectual barren wasteland that is social media and online media these days.
Unfortunately, this book doesn’t teach me how to throw a demonic party at my place. The instructions are vague for the uninitiated like me, as they assume that I already have the basics down pat, whatever those basics may be. Reading this one is like trying to land a plane when I haven’t even learned how to fly one yet. Hence, no demon summoning for me for the time being.
If you’re curious about Goetia: The Book of Evil Spirits and wonder what the demon lords are like, this one isn’t the most newbie-friendly read. Devoid of detailed descriptions, it assumes that the reader is already well-versed in rudimentary demonology. The descriptions of the demon lords are always interesting, and I imagine they can also be useful for folks such as authors and DMs to use in their own materials.
Hey, folks that want to check this thing without buying can find the whole text online for free. I get the hard copy mostly because I’m more used to reading a book while ruling the world on my porcelain throne—don’t want my mobile or tablet to fall into the water or onto the floor, after all. In hindsight, maybe I should have spent money on buying a costume for a demon-summoning character in an MMORPG. At least then I’d actually be summoning demons, in a way, and look bad-ass doing it.
