How to Write the Screenplay of an Adam Sandler "Comedy"
Forget Jerry Lewis. Jim Carrey's a sell-out, gone to 'serious movies' (HAH!). May Chris Farley RIP, and that stick partner of that poor fatty is lost without him. Slapstick comedy is dead if not for our darling Adam Sandler. But forget sentimental crap - we scriptwriters write Adam Sandler vehicles, why? WHY? Because they sell, moron! Your movies with Adam in it gets all the money and you - Instant Fame and lotsa MTV Movie Awards! So here's how you start:
- Always remember, Adam's character must be an outsider. Perferably a white trash type, a bum, or a freak bullied by everyone. The highest in the food chain Adam's hero can go up is Middle Working Class. This guy must, however, have a super talent for an activity (eg sports) that will endear him to the society he despises. In short, Adam's movies are always about the Weirdo Who Gets the Conventional Fuckers in Society to Accept Him, Nay, Applaud Him.
- The character must display very antisocial skills, usually cussing being mandatory. I suggest a day in the nursery will do wonders for that scriptwriter's block. Wee-weeing in public, catfighting, breaking public property, fighting over toys, bullying smaller kids, getting bullied... whatever the kids do, Adam will do it too! The trick here is for him to do it while cussing and throwing a tantrum while a pretty, clueless, good gal (ironically, a member of the Fuckers Society) watches him aghast yet inside cheering him on. They'll fall in love.
- If you can, put in several "pivotal" scenes where Adam can demonstrate loud, brash antics that the audience can remember. Something bizarre, please. Wrestling with alligators. Singing about hating that biatch slutty ex-fiancee. Donning a sumo loincloth and fighting E Honda. Mud wrestling with Cyndi Lauper. Making fun of senior citizens. And remember, don't forget the wisecracks!
- Remember, Adam's movies must always end with people, those Farkers who Turn Their Noses Down On Him In The First 45 Minutes, cheering like as if he was Jesus on a Harley. Hence, this rather limits the plot to involve huge spectator sports, courtroom debacles, public transportation, public school Prom nights, and White House politicking. So my advice is to go take any movie as presented in my precious other Scriptwriting Guides, add in Adam Sandler, a smiley sweet airhead heroine, a clueless granny or two, a cussing kid (re: the South Park brats come cheap), and a crowd of people screaming "Adam! Adam! Adam!", and presto! An Adam Sandler comedy is born.
