Dear Egg Cave People

Stop being so creepy.

I have been a member of Egg Cave since November 6, 2009, during the time when Egg Cave was just getting started. I also play Neopets as well as a few other online pet sites and I also play MMORPGs. So I am used to wank revolving around these games. Therefore, it says a lot that I am moved to write this open letter to you.

I am not addressing every single member of Egg Cave, just the bunch of people who are being creepy on the blogs and the forums. And when I say "being creepy", I really mean "oversharing, throwing petty temper tantrums, whining, pouting, complaining, and flouncing on a weekly basis". I am writing this open letter because too many attention-seeking kids are making too much noise on the public venues on Egg Cave.

Stop oversharing. I don't want to hear about how your 13-year old best friend got knocked up by your boyfriend. I don't care to hear that your father smashed your PC in a fit of anger. I generally feel sorry for you if you are truly living a life full of abusive boyfriends, parents, and naughty sperms that keep fertilizing your eggs when you are only 15, but when you keep mentioning all these things, unprompted, in a blog comment section that has nothing to do with your personal issues, you come off like someone begging for attention. If you are genuinely troubled, seek help. Don't play Egg Cave and unload your issues on everyone else.

Stop being melodramatic. So someone blocks you from contacting him or her. So someone calls you a mean name. That doesn't mean you have to scream and rant and yell and pout as if someone has run down your dog and defecated on the corpse. The Internet is full of mean people, so tough it up. Learn to ignore insults or get out. By acting like a dramatic crybaby every time you feel offended even the slightest, you come off like a pathetic attention-seeking waif needing validation. Go keep a few cats if you are desperate for validation. Egg Cave is an online pet site, not your therapy couch or your soapbox to rail about mean people.

Stop being childish. Nobody cares if you are quitting, so asking people whether you should quit makes you come off like a pathetic attention-seeking person who probably needs to go out more and make more real life friends. If you are really quitting, stop spamming everyone's Wall saying you are giving away your rare pets when we all know you will give everything to your select few online BFFs. And if you are quitting, you won't need to make a long list of pets that you are keeping, you know. Because if you want to keep those pets, that means you will be coming back - maybe in a few days to see whether your BFFs have left enough pleas on your Wall not to quit - and therefore, you are not quitting. And if you are not really quitting, don't tell everyone that you are. It's annoying.

Stop being stupid. Yes, the blog is dead because nobody posted in the last 3 minutes. No need to keep posting - you are definitely not being original and no, you are not getting extra points for trying too hard to be noticed.

Stop being a rules lawyer. Everyone is off-topic in the comment section, so reporting people who spam their links there as "being off-topic" only shows how much you are lacking in self-awareness. If you take so much glee in reporting people to Ian for what you perceive to be rule infarction, maybe you should consider joining the police force or something. At least then you get paid.

Stop being greedy. Look, I don't care if you hog all the Onny and Doovoo and Tine in existence and then ask for $50 and a hundred rare eggs for them. You spend all day on Egg Cave playing the slave trader, it's only fair that you get rewarded for your hard work. But at the same time, stop being an asshole and use underhanded methods to get more rare eggs to trade. If someone offers rare eggs for nothing to people who don't have them, don't be an asshole and offer using one of your 50 "storage" accounts. If you keep complaining about people asking for unreasonable things for the eggs you want on the forum, have some dignity instead of underoffering for rare eggs, hoping that the owner of the rare egg will not realize what you are doing. I've seen this happen and the asshole then bragging about getting a "great" deal in the forum or the blog comment section. Such behavior is just plain embarrassing to behold. How old are you people? 10?

Stop being a crybaby. So you have a cove full of rare eggs and then you go away without putting your pets at Tim's Food Shoppe and they all died. That doesn't mean you should start begging people to give you free rare eggs to replace the ones you lost through your own negligence. No, you are not entitled to having your eggs replaced. It is your fault that they died, so work your own way like everyone else in getting new rare eggs. Otherwise, get out of here.

Stop acting like spoiled entitled brats. Egg Cave is essentially a one-man show. So stop pestering Ian for new updates every other day. It's annoying. Your constant whining clogs up the blog comment section and, no matter how wonderful you imagine yourself to be, your whining is repetitive and tedious to read.

TL; DR - stop being twats, because you're just bloody too annoying for words.